Seriously. My neighborhood has an active NextDoor site, and we have a ton of old people. One of them posted about catching someone slicing open her windows when returning home from walking her dogs, and I was like, Fuuuuuuuuu I am never sleeping again and also teaching my dogs to like to eat human flesh.

Fucking CS, man. Scary fucking town.

Are you actually’ing me?

Rule #1 of shade: know when to stop. So many almost shades ruined by people who won’t stop.

This doesn’t excuse any of Marshall’s fucked up lyrics, but in Michigan, we tend to add an S to things, regardless of whether it should be there. Kmarts, Meijers, Targets, Penneys, etc. So, not excusing, but possibly explaining?

I can’t decide if I want to marry her, fuck her, or be her.

Hence the “quotes” around “sleep training.”

I learned to hold it.

Naw dude, I’m totally a Slytherin + Ravenclaw combo and I know it when I see it. Michelle is SMART (Ravenclaw) and Michelle is FIERCE (Slytherin). Michelle has all the answers, and give no quarter. R+S.

My mother used a harness that zipped in the back and tied under the mattress to keep me in bed. I still have insomnia now. Every illness I ever had was dismissed by my parents as “attention-seeking”. Reading this throws me into a panic.

This is what “sleep training” and abuse look like, 30 years later.

THIS. I see those pics of Jenner and I’m like “wtf is she doing with any and all parts of her body?” and those shoes have never seen an arch EVER.

Unless that’s a play on words - since the Sheen family is big in Hollywood....

That was the name that came to mind for me.

I just had my fats and cholesterol levels tested, and I can still eat all the cheese I want with impunity! Wooo!!!!

I already have seen people saying that if BLM spent half the energy on cleanup as they do on getting angry, Louisiana would be fixed by now.

I literally just could not even with that person. I am willing to go head to head with many people on issues, but that one, I just...cannot.

I think they become shenanigans at that point.

Now I want caprinhas. I don't even need a beach!!

It’s hard. It’s not just learning a new language, but also a new alphabet. I’ve learned Russian, Hungarian, and Hebrew, but 90% of my knowledge in those areas is auditory/spoken. I still struggle with the letters in all of these. French is the only one I can read and write, and that was years worth of exposure, and…

You overestimate my ambition and craft skills.