I'm 27, he's 31. I feel like I'm going to die alone, because EVERYONE I KNOW IS GETTING MARRIED OR ENGAGED.

I'm not married to him, thank God. It'll kill me to see him with someone else (even though I'm 100% sure I will have sex with someone else within a week, because that is What Alconleigh Does When She's Hurt), but his inability to commit the silver lining in this all. He told me ages ago that he's spent him whole…

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you! Having money to spend on shiny things really does help.

That is such a great story. "His name is Rob!"

His name was Javier and I met him when I worked at the bookstore in college. He was super hot, but that's because all he cared about in the world was his body. Good for him! Good for him. But between working out and moisturizing and hair care and trimming and and and, there was...not much left. But super hot and…

I read that as "iron worker who was a secret librarian," and I was like, "dreamboat!"

:(

A Juggalo. I would elaborate but I don't really think that's necessary.

Women are in this weird place where socially & economically we don't really neeeeed to get married, but it's still implied that we're defective if we don't get married. It's a tough place to be. Logically, I know I'd rather be my myself than be married to someone I wasn't bonkers about just for the sake of being…

It's going to be the 'Showgirls' of this generation. It will wind up living in so-bad-it's- great cult infamy.

Wow, the thirst is fucking real. That guy? THAT GUY? With those whack ass gums?

Wow this is the most funny picture I have seen in a while. They look like celibate people who hate each other. The film is gonna suck big balls. I cannot wait.

Whoa, this guy sure is moderately attractive.

Did you catch any of the red carpet? Giuliana asked Keaton "if you could be a superhero, which would you be"?

He looks like Jim Halpert's less cute cousin.

Tonight's surprise: Steve Carrell is getting hotter by the minute.

He wants to cuddle with you while you're still moist from the shower, wearing nothing but a pair of panties. **shudder**

I loathed this guy from the start, but for a while there I was wishing him the best. Like, he doesn't seem evil, no skin off my ass if he finds some equally annoying Christian hippie to be spiritual with. But I changed my mind once he started talking about looking for a muse. Fuck him, I hope he has to play out D/s…

so where does his muse sleep? oh right, she just recharges in a corner chair.

Quick story that, I guess, shows why I love having kids at weddings and why it's probably a bad idea. A fraternity brother's wedding where it was very heavy on your readings and vows and in the middle of it all this kid, who at most was five years old, says very loudly "THIS IS SO FREAKING BORING" and then gets…