What makes it STRONG vs a HOT take? I need to know how to distinguish on a day like today, where cats and dogs switch places and Jezebel writers feign zero knowledge about sportsball.

O-maha! O-maha! Hike!

Two more X’s and Vin Diesel could be someone’s mascot.

I hope his teammate was able to receive prompt attention.

More importantly, does his choice of platform mean that Cyber Dust is dead?

APPLES & EXTRA SUGAR CUBES IN THE STABLES TONIGHT!

Believe it was sarcasm due to the blatant flopping in most soccer matches.

To be fair, Ricky Rubio does incredible things every night as well. I mean did you ever think it was possible to shatter a backboard from a bricked 20 foot jump shot?

The 12th Man would be at his bedside at the hospital.

Did they try unplugging and plugging them back in?

The announcers have been calling them iPads since they started using them, now that they crap out they call them Microsoft Surface. They’re going to love that up in Redmond!

Has this fucking guy seen the men who’ve coached the Browns?

This right here is sum funny shit.

Laugh all you want, Tom. The last thing this country needs is more division.

Just fyi, Deadspin’s official editorial policy is that the Chargers holding an option on moving to LA is the same as them having done so; they can eat shit until they decline the option, and for that matter if they do they can eat shit for having lorded it over their fans in the meantime.

I’d send them a farewell package but I already shipped all of my dildos up to Oregon.

I agree. There are some players in the league are so talented that you have to accept a bonehead play now and again. Take Michael Bennett on my Seahawks, dude is a beast but he gets a bad PF call every other game. I just hope I don’t get a tobasco enema of a game like this.

As a black man, I have to say that no one should be offended by what you just said. They are both extremely talented athletes and world class stupid motherfuckers. It’s actually pretty incredible.

Look, I’m sorry. I really am. But here’s what I think: