Actually, we know how it shakes out. Some jamokes with guns who have Ideas but no idea what they actually want will march into some government building because it’s a Symbol and they will turn it into a Walmart bathroom and we’ll all mail them dildos until they give up and go home.

Joaquin Phoenix can definitely act. He was excellent as Emperor Commodus. He sounds like he raises up this material. But there’s not much he can do about the fact that, like Spider-Man, The Joker has already been done to death.

OK, but if you’re worried about civil war, firearms are still marginally more useful than hot internet takedowns.

Show yourself, coward! I will never log off!

Oh yeah? Well, the jerk store called, and they're running out of you!

The problem is that a lot of Trump supporters might take that seriously.

I think it would be important to give a shout out to all my Sealab 2021 voters with “mmmmm, baby back ribs”.

Everyone who doesn’t want to watch this movie (and I’m in that group) should instead go watch Phoenix in You Were Never Really Here, where his work is quiet, understated, and absolutely spectacular. That film, which appears to be about a hit man doing a particular job but which is actually an exploration of trauma,…

Really, if I’ve learned anything from Trump bribing foreign leaders to help his campaign by smearing his opponents, it’s that HILLARY CLINTON IS CORRUPT.

What kind of an asshole would choose to vote for Bernie first, but then have Biden (instead of Warren) second? Or have Warren first, but Biden (instead of Bernie) second?

And even worse is that the fact he is one of the few people to ever be President of the United States can never be UNDONE.

I used to, but then my doctor told me it was taking too many years off my life, so I had to give it up. Now I just drink a handle of whisky a day. It’s healthier in every way.

Donald Trump is the President of the United States of America. Think about that for a second.

“YOU’RE MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A F***ING IDIOT!”

“If teams lower ticket prices too much, they could devalue their product and drive away those customers who still pay hundreds or thousands of dollars each season for a premium experience.”

An actual coup, on the other hand—far less red tape. Food for thought!

Ain’t no Cousins apologizing for butt stuff down here.

Okay sure, why not?