Support the troops until they say anything bad about any republican or have any reluctance to go to war for stupid reasons. 

You could, but it’s more fun to drink enough Kirkland whiskey to give yourself amnesia.

Yeah just wait until he mobilizes the fucking redneck militias from the whole country. 

Desired admission to elite colleges incentivizes attendance at elite high schools, elite elementary schools, elite preschools. Test prep, private tutoring, performance enhancing drugs for far more children than will ever be admitted to elite colleges. All of this bullshit so that they can continue to be the…

I know cats and dogs that are smarter than Corey and Trevor.

I know you were just looking for an excuse to say you have a girlfriend.

Wait, they can call information CLASSIFIED merely because it looks bad for them and not because they’re protecting us?!

They’ll both go to jail though... and maybe Trump will lose his legs to diabetes.

Andrew, I do not know you but I believe I received this email accidentally. Please unsubscribe me. 

Someone needs to tap into the data feed from the WH to Fox News. I imagine it would be line Anchorman with the teleprompter. 

Donald, I’ve got an idea for how to combat this “deep state” problem. De-fund, dismantle, destroy all of the intelligence agencies. 

All I can think of is some poor bastards who actually are good at their jobs had to stay up all night evaluating the situation and writing these talking points to try to defend the worst president ever.

Really he is the Oscar Pistorius of presidents. They’ll get him eventually. 

Yeah I’m gonna go to my bank on the corner and point a gun at the teller and say “it would be nice if you gave me all the money you have”. Little-known-fact I would be completely innocent if I did that. God you guys, go back to law school. 

Republican voters watch Fox News. Fox News will say that Donald did nothing wrong and everyone who says he did is lying. Nothing else matters.

Yeah, all of the conservatives I know love his new special and keep asking me if I’ve watched it. To me, that is a pretty good indicator that I should never watch it. 

Dave Chappelle as the manager of the Wu-Tang clan trying to get them rooms at a little Christian-run bed & breakfast.

Over/Under on how many attorneys work for him from now until the Senate exonerates him? I’m saying 7.

Debbie Dingell is not a real name. No way.