No one with Jay-Z’s assets and carbon footprint can do anything ethical except give almost all of their money away. His music sucks. 

One time my (white) friends and I were tossing frisbee in a park after dark and smoking a blunt. Some cops rolled up on us and said it was no big deal but took the blunt away. We caught up to them down the road and killed them, then went to their houses and shit on their doorsteps. Sorry, I only respect brute power.

Reminds me of Happy Gilmore “I was the only one who ever took off his skate and tried to stab someone with it.”

Strokes, Ranked:

Voted 61% for Trump. They may have some cool people in Memphis, Nashville, and maybe Chattanooga, but they’re still Tennessee.

“Caught a Ween show at the Ryman Auditorium”

Sounds like the police used the classic Zapp Brannigan strategy. Send wave upon wave of your own men at them until they reach the designated officer-down limit.

OMG I’m currently reading Lord of the Rings and it makes more sense than this shit. It’s incredible to me that you actually believe that. 

Jesus was on my tongue last night. Wait, we are talking about ejaculate right?

He probably watches a lot of youtube gun videos

I don’t know why Amazon bothers to try to look good. Most Americans would buy from slave labor shops if they could get in cheaper and/or faster.

Probably a fucking Welshman or something

Like “the troops”, support for Israel is 100% or 0%. Any criticism whatsoever and you find yourself on the black list and the president gets to say you “hate israel and all jewish people” without any repercussions. 

It is truly insane that the President of the United States is allowed to say that about elected members of congress. Fuck you forever, don.

The problem is you have a lot of stupid voters who only look at 1. Who is currently president and 2. Stock market indices & unemployment percentage.

Shocked to see a bald white head behind that steering wheel. 

They pronounce Ds nuts

“...but is it?”

Yes, fucking, please. Policies, from now until November 2020. Tell us why republican policies are hurting us and why democratic policies would help us. Stop with this personality contest bullshit. There are a bunch of dumb people who think centrism is a virtue and there are a bunch of dumb people who don’t care enough…

Maybe because we didn’t have to hear about the sex boat, we won’t have to hear about the super bowl shuffle. Ah, who am I kidding? Every time a Chicagoan mentions the ‘85 team, we deserve at least 2 more years of getting roasted.