"On a semi-related note, I was able to talk a manager at KFC into honoring an expired coupon for a free pot pie yesterday. So we're all big winners at life this week!"

Could not be laughing any harder if I tried right now.

Uhhhhh, chill?

Oh god, I thought everyone outside of the pickup artisty cesspools of the internet knew the alpha wolf thing wasn't even real in the WOLF context by now. Egads.

I can barely make sense out of this bullshit anymore.

She has always been very, very slender, and two decades of training for action movies, multiple childbirths, feedings and cancer surgeries will strip fat from the body.

I'm | too sexy for the dance | too sexy for the Dads | too sexy for the lads

OBVIOUSLY this whole thing is disgusting, but oh do I feel for this girl. It says she's 5'9. I know exactly the feeling of putting on a skirt or a dress or a pair of shorts that seems to be a perfectly normal length on everyone else but looks totally obscene on me because I'm tall.

It's like celebrities are all children and we go back and forth between being proud of their accomplishments and arguing about how to raise them.

I thought that Ellen Page was Jared Leto at first

I'm normally fairly stoic, but there's something about losing one's significant other/fiance/husband that just destroys me.

One of my first responses to being diagnosed was about losing my hair. I was kind of terrified at the thought. Some women lead with their breasts. Contrary to my nom de plume, I lead with my hair. My doctor seemed relived to have something positive to tell me—I wouldn't lose hair with the radioactive treatment I would…

ARE YOU SURE? Please work with me.

"She opened her top and showed them her boobs, which Jennifer says were completely covered in 'the most beautiful angels and beautiful butterflies and baskets of flowers in pastel-colored tattoos.'"

Dolly, you are now, as ever, my idol.

You don't have to hide behind a burner, Laurence Olivier.

Well the only problem is, it doesn't seem to stay stretched so it's really rather painful if I go for more than a few months without sex. Lots of warming up needed to get back into the, er, swing of things. I rather over-identified with that ginger vampire on True Blood who lost her virginity every time she had sex,…

You know, I actually still have a hymen after several sexually active years (my gyno says because it's thicker than usual it just stretched to accommodate - sorry for the TMI), so this "medical exam to prove you're a virgin" is likely rather less accurate than these unsavoury men would like to believe.

I don't know if that's always possible. When my hamster was put to sleep the vet wouldn't let me stay with her and suggested that she be immediately taken to the morgue (or what passes for a morgue?) for cremation. I did go home and scream for a while, though, because I wasn't expecting to say goodbye to Bunny so…

You stay with your pet when he or she is being euthanized. I don't care that it is "too hard" for you. You suck it up, hold your pet, give kisses, and stay until the very end. Then you go to the beach and scream for as long as it takes. You do not leave your pet behind to be euthanized alone. Period. (Also, this vet…

I have known quite a few cats with CH and they all live wonderful, happy lives. They walk a little funny and sometimes need to be in a place without stairs or need a special litter box, but they all are super sweet kitties who get around well — just different.