That's not true. I've iced people out of my life before. I just disappear, unfriend them, and block their numbers/emails. If I don't want you in my life, then you're not going to be in it.

The problem with that is, we can't change other people. We can only change how we treat them or how much we choose to engage with them. So when someone has a friend problem that amounts to "how can I change this person" what other advice is there?

I'd really like to read a Friendzone that doesn't involve the writer backing away from, disconnecting from or discarding people. It's getting tired and in real life, most of us don't just dump friends or loved ones whenever they become "toxic" or maybe just a bit difficult.

You just doubled your desirability in some circles, mister.

Same here. I thought I needed to find 200 people to invite, but I don't even know 200 people, much less like that many people.

260 people would be considered a big wedding.

Not a problem as long as you don't provide a chocolate fountain.

is this a plot for new Godzilla movie????

My friend Raph plans on marrying a news reporter at a plant like this once human/mutant turtle marriages are legalized.

Some poor fellow dressed in yellow

Not sure which pamphlet to give him? I'm sure Ms. Pillsbury has something...

I shall file this under 'things I just need to accept happened and don't need to think too deeply about' because I just.... can't.

I have seen the glorious Nancy Sinatra in concert twice, and let me tell you - NO ONE sings Nancy Sinatra better than Nancy Sinatra. (Also, that's the most times I've ever typed "Nancy Sinatra" in one sentence.)

I used to work in high-end menswear retail in Manhattan (I now work in media, which is a whole other set of weird encounters). We got a lot of celebrity customers. I spent the better part of half an hour helping Kyle McLachlan pick out a tie. Jason Bateman was a total sweetheart and very low-key but personable. Shaun…

Last summer I was at Spot Dessert on St. Marks Pl. Tyra Banks happened to be there with three friends. We happened to be seated at the adjacent table. (I basically shat myself in excitement.) One of them leaned over and asked us if we wanted their extra (uneaten) ice cream. I ATE TYRA BANKS' ICE CREAM.

When I was four I was in OHare airport with my parents on the way to Salt Lake City. This was 1986. A man in a gold glittery suit walked by with a bunch of other men. I broke from my parents and ran after him. I grabbed his knee and was immediately picked up and handed to my parents by the other men. That golden man…

My first time working at Great Movie Ride I had Scotty Pippen on my show. I didn't know who he was and told him to put his drink away.

First off, I've mentioned some of my previous "celeb" encounters with George R.R. Martin (STOP FUCKING ASKING WHEN HE IS GOING TO FINISH) and Bryan Cranston, cuz I'm cool and live in NM. But my favorite of all celeb encounters was when I was nine years old....

BookExpo America in Chicago, 2004. I was at a late-night party for some erotica publishing company and I was not feeling it at all. It was late, I was tired, and BEA was winding down and it was really just time to go HOME already.