If you're not a Basic Bitch, you're probably an Acidic Bitch.

The trimmed edge of the green is also mysteriously absent JUST in the area between her legs. It's shopped (I do this for a living, so it was the first thing I looked for.)

Yes, that photo looks weird and unnatural.

You can be relentlessly petty.

He's mine, too. Don't tell me though, because when I find out I'm going to be extremely bitchy and needlessly petty about the whole thing.

I have narrowed it down to five possibilities:

I would totally pay $10 at the movie theater to see a movie about Hitler's creation of a Nazi army of super gay male soldier. If gay lovers Captain America and Bucky Barnes can be the heroes who defeat them, I would go see that movie multiple times. And if it got in some gay porn in the special features, I would buy a…

You are officially my favorite Jez author. Don't tell Rebecca.

I have to add that my favorite ad during Hannibal is local and uses the phrase "doesn't cost you an arm and a leg" but I have no plans to go there so I guess it didn't win me as a customer. Just a fan.

So Roger DeBris was right when he said to "Keep [Springtime for Hitler] gay"?:

I don't think I've ever seen a Rimmel ad outside of Kate Moss's face on the POS displays, but that alone convinced me to buy my first Rimmel cosmetic and I haven't looked back. There's a lot of cheap makeup out there that I won't touch, but Kate's endorsement totally sold me!

Two weeks in a row, the Olive Garden had commercials during Hannibal. The jump from exquisitely dark and beautifully horrific Hannibal to a bright and "cheerful" Olive Garden commercial made me genuinely LOL.

Somebody reset the Gay Hitler counter.

The Dove commercials that tout body acceptance really worked on me, even though they tend to be a bit cheesy at times. I think it's almost on a subliminal level because I exclusively buy Dove deodorant now, even though I have no real reason why I should prefer Dove over another brand.

Been in three weddings. Two let me choose dresses that I would (and did) wear again. My BFF let me pick a red dress (colors were black and red), it was about $110, and I've worn it several times since. Another friend paid for the dress herself because it was on clearance sale at some department store for $79. I paid…

Well she *is* in college, you pedant/spoilsport/dreamcrusher.

She has the body of superhero. And the moves too. If I ever get stuck in a burning car wreck, I know who I want rescuing me.

You guys, I feel this is a safe zone to say that I've been watching a ton of college gymnastics lately, and I'm loving it. Why isn't there more gymnastics on tv?!

Since when do brides or their moms EVER pay for their bridesmaids' gowns? And, believe it or not, it's hard for people to say no when asked to be in a wedding of a good friend. Saying no can make you feel like you aren't being a good friend, so people say yes even if the wedding is going to be a hardship.

Nigel with the Brie is not dead! He's happily married living in CA and he was the best man at my wedding :)