I was going to make a joke about the dating mechanics in Bioware RPGs, but you seem to already have that covered, unlike your penis.

If I made a Dangeresque joke about the headline, would any of you guys get it? It's been like 10 years since that particular Strong Bad email.

I generally dislike hockey fights, unless it involves a player climbing into the stands.

So what you're saying is that you're going to move back home?

I prefer to imagine that they're dancing to eerie, dissonant chords played on a church organ.

In all seriousness though, the ring of cheerleaders dancing around Rocky's lifeless body is the best thing I've seen all week.

He must have been smoking marijuana because he lives in Colorado and marijuana is legal there.

Lebron James secretly had the CIA work with the mob and Cuban defectors to kill Kennedy.

Wow, this is the worst thing to happen in low-visibility conditions in the history of Marshall football.

They did this in Dead Space and nobody gave a shit. Why is this becoming an issue now?

Or college hockey. Or Olympic hockey. Or the KHL.

Hey. I thought it was funny.

Pit Bull, who is currently on tour, was unavailable for comment.

Can grizzlies ever actually be truly domesticated, or is there always a danger, however slight, that your neighbors will find your viscera strewn across a tree like Christmas decorations? Serious question.

*humps TheSpecialMan's lifeless body while shrieking at mom to get him some chocolate milk, his headset recording every word in public chat*

Wait, are we talking about boxing? I'm all confused now.

Screw that, there's no excuse for tanking. It ruins competition and is no fun for anyone involved.

I, for one, would pay to watch dirtbags ride pretty ladies while tweeting about it.