Stop screwing around on the Internet, watching teevee, talking to your cat, etc., and just write the flipping thing.

Maybe if people spent a little less time on Facebook...

I'm slutty spice. :/

Really?

Over 50% of Americans are unaware of the planet orbiting on the opposite side of the sun from the Earth.

некультурный

This is faker than my pink merkin.

Nope. But you sound like you could use a little time to yourself, truth be told.

This morning I asked my wife "are we doing anything for Valentine's?"

He sounds rapey.

Oh, thank goodness.

Those are ducks.

How much will it cost to have her cater my "Glory Days of Slavery" themed wedding?

So, once again, the truth is severely endangered under the flimsy guise of rallying the troops.

I just...

How is this "scammy"?

When did mirrors and nail files become female only?

You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.

Why would anyone subject their beautiful routine to that horrific song?

Pretty much, yeah.