Nothing says “opulence” like wearing clothes named for a big, obnoxious bird that shits absolutely everywhere. This spring I’m debuting my new luxury line “Incontinent Pigeon With Hormone Disorder”. Dickies and snoods will start at $8000 dollars. No dirty poors please. 

I think what we all want, nay, need, is for the Boogermobile to accelerate uncontrollably down the sideline and stop abruptly, “flicking” Booger against the wall.

I’m so happy my job isn’t to make Tyreek Hill not do something he wants to do on the football field. 

Just have a damn horn.

Don’t forget my girl, Jameela Jamil!

When you use group like that, does it slot you against other six-stacks? Seems like you’re counting on hitting another pug rather than a practicing regular group. 

Dragon Quest XI! I haven’t played a Dragon Quest since it was Dragon Warrior on my NES when I was 7 or 8.  I’m about 40 hours into it now and I absolutely love it. It’s a bit of a pet peeve for me that for tactics “mix it up” seems to mean “use the biggest thing you’ve got every single time” but otherwise it’s a great…

This sounds incredible. What time should I head over?

I think it’s just a uniform unit that the machine can use easily. Since it feeds automatically, chunked wood that’s not the same size and shape would be harder to process in and harder to gauge the potential energy of. 

I think it’s just a uniform unit that the machine can use easily. Since it feeds automatically, chunked wood that’s…

This is going to be a soccer/basketball flop reaction gif for years to come.

Somebody is going to get absolutely SMASHED in Divison II or III this weekend because of this play. It was cool, but if you’re looking for a way to make punt returns even more dangerous, this is it. 

I’m not sure Jimbo would have done much better. This roster makes me think of the Miami teams once Larry Coker came in and won it all. The recruiting rankings stayed high, but in hindsight it seems that the tail was wagging the dog somewhat in that if a recruit was offered by the Hurricanes, then their rating…

It’s hard to make chicken salad out of chicken shit. 

The mental image of Ariana Grande desperately trying to offload a giant pig on Craigslist is so good that I actually hope that’s what happens now. Sorry pig!

Does that make the Erie Canal the poop chute?

Um, I clicked through what I assumed was a sarcastic title to read snark about clueless beauty queens. I believe you now owe me a gif of Miss Virginia rolling her eyes at that Miss South Carolina from 10 years ago. 

I shared the “old man take” with my wife. She asked who the quote was from so I told her and she said “oh yeah, the “chopped” guy.” My wife knows Drew as a chef instead of a HOT TAEK fartist and poo-story merchant. This world is garbage.

Yeah, that park is genuinely pleasant when your nuts aren’t melted to your seat.

Look, I was already in love with Jameela Jamil. If you keep telling me all the ways she is incredible that I didn’t already know about then I’ll have nothing left to surprise me when she finally comes to take me away from all this. Just leave us a little something for ourselves, hm?

And might say hi to you between periods because who the fuck else likes them enough to be there?