Or you could just, I don’t know, say “no thanks” like a grownup. Or if you want to be diplomatic, “I appreciate the invite, but I can’t make it.” You don’t need excuses, or a reason (unless it’s your mother). No one (except your mother) is going to be offended that you can’t make it.

Christmas classic I’ll have you know...

Yeah, and don’t you love how the title is about an allegation from a nasty divorce that has never been proven? I mean, it sounds like there are a lot of incidents where you can legitimately say that the guy is difficult. But to pick an unproven allegation from a court filing and call him an abuser seems a bit much.…

In college, I had a finance professor tell me that “if you have a client who wants to invest in social responsibility, tell them that you’d be breaking the law managing their money that way.”

“Socially responsible” mutual funds have not only underperformed the S&P since their inception but have badly underperformed the…

First thing that came to mind. “Sounds like a pretty solid investment to me. Better than the car periscope.”

Whats wrong with being invested in gun companies?

I like making money, so I don't mind.

Take it back! Scrooged is an American National Treasure and my dad and I watch it together every year! I even sent him a Christmas Card this year with Murray and a speach bubble that contained the immortal line “Charles Dickens would have wanted to see her nipples.”

You shut your goddamn mouth. Scrooged is the best holiday movie. I’ve been watching it for as long as I can remember. Classic.

Gonna have to violently disagree on that particular point.

Shut your whore mouth.

Yeah, I kinda hate these pieces. I think I’m a good person but I’m certainly not “nice”. I also get annoyed at work and have trouble dealing with people and not showing that. I certainly drink too much and if it didn't make me itchy is likely smoke a bunch of pot. I have done bad things in my life. But I don't think…

Say what now?! Scrooged is a classic!

Yup, that was my reaction. I don’t get this idea that because someone’s good enough at one thing to become famous for it, they must be good people in general. Celebrities: they’re (assholes) just like us!

Your lungs were designed to handle air. Anything else will probably screw them up.

Michael Bay Smurf?

He wants to laugh maniacally when blowing shit up. His agenda is that he finds his terror comedic. He’s basically the Joker.

I could have shortened this article for you by answering “All of them.” They are all horrible and Gargamel had the right idea in trying to destroy them or capture them or turn them into gold… or whatever the hell his plan was… I’m not really sure he knew. Maybe turn them into cat toys for his pet kitty?

Most 13 year olds I knew back then just asked their parents for money. The rest shoveled driveways and mowed lawns.

Her parents had said no but she insisted