TIL Mark Jackson has a burner

No true Scotsman would do such a thing.

Flatulategate.

This Hemholz effect may possibly be mitigated by the addition of a low pressure disturbance behind the window opening. I suggest a small dent in the passenger side rear bumper. 

(Also no day is a bad day if it starts with sex).

I feel like *I* should get a body double for when I don’t feel like showing up for shit.

Diagonal is the correct answer if the packet is portrait-oriented, but horizontal is acceptable if the packet is landscape-oriented. Vertical is worse than useless.

#TeamDiagonal

WTF, no opinion on diagonal staples? So much better, and less chance of tearing.

Dork.

I’m going to start selling a Dora the Explorer “I’m the Map” based navigation system. It won’t annoy anyone.

Highly unlikely to happen, but would love to see the entire Dallas Cowboys roster take a knee next week, just to see if Jerry Jones has any strength to his convictions and is willing to sack them all and play with scrubs.

Take that a step further. Even if you DO stand in your living room with your hand over your year heart, even if you spent your whole life fighting for this country and its freedoms, even if you did all that, if you don’t get that among the freedoms you were defending were actions JUST LIKE what NFL players are doing…

Me too. I grew up with that. Was the first car I drove. It had a five speed and shifted so good. We would take it camping, haul the canoe for turtle fishing, fetch Christmas trees, go to races, etc. It was slow but it was a great truck.

When you’re a Jet you’re a Jet all the way

For $60?

You want the truth? You are going to enjoy life WAY more if you stop fighting the small battles that don’t matter in the end. Honestly, dude, I know what you are saying but it’s wrong. You have to let this shit go. Life is full of moments where you get fucked and lots where you don’t or even come out ahead. How many…

When I play Everyone’s It Tag, people who are sitting down are still it, so if you run by them and they tag you, they are back in the game and you sit down. It keeps everyone involved even if they get out early.

My religion prescribed as an absolute sacred ritual ... drinking alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and the intervals between them.