Clearly you haven't spent much time on Bay Area public transit. The trains are filled with some pretty weird and obnoxious people. Music and/or reading is a welcome oasis from that during the morning commute, I assure you.

Nailed it. I'm buying somebody a beer at Ferg's.

Voldemort's team name is "Schiano's Men".

Tombstone used feel!

A Schiano Man never jaywalks, and forcibly prevents others from jaywalking.

I wouldn't worry too much about Freeman reaching stage 2 of the drug program, as that would require showing progress.

This would have been cooler if he had done it with a broken leg.

You probably don't get the same amount of irrational hatred on a daily basis for being bald as transgender people get.

"The bastard never saw it coming."

"Crushing it sophomore year.
Not attending a minute of class spring semester.
Looking forward to his autograph being significantly less valuable next year."

I wanted my son to have a name that reminded me of baseball and all my baseball memories, so I named him, "IHATEYOUJOEWESTYOUFATFUCK."

To be perfectly honest, even if you give your kid a reasonable name, chances are I will still hate your baby.

Perhaps "on maternity leave" at TMZ just means following pregnant celebrities around.

Your anonymity is always safe with us.

It's easy to be that brazen when you know you're going to be back behind bars before long anyways.

Reached for comment, the embarrassed baboon replied "boy is my ass red."

His religion gives WASPs something to latch on to that they can show that there's actual "prosecution" against WASPs everywhere. Seriously my mom believes that he's out of work because he's a Christian and only because of that.

But did you read the comment though