The actual grove is beautiful. To my knowledge, the superdudebros only show up for like a week once a year.

Ballot access is no joke. I would be surprised if anyone else got on any state ballot at this point.

Every time I see them on sale, I feel a little confused though. You probably shouldn’t wait until they are on special. Then again, maybe retailers are just trying to move old stock.

“Anyway, if someone knows where I can find that marijuana farm fueled by period blood, please email me.”

Institute for Justice takes on cases like this pro bono. http://ij.org/

I overheard one of my co-workers calling the bookstore asking about “The Secret”: “Now, that’s written by Oprah, right?"

Come on into accountancy, ladies. I’m leaving my male counterparts in the dust.

All monkeys contain the same amount of evil monkey mischief. The smaller the monkey, the more concentrated the evil.

Dig the phone in each bathroom.

Christopher Buckley’s novel Supreme Courtship explores the idea of a no nonsense tv judge going to the Supreme Court. It’s great satire, like his other works (e.g. Thank You For Smoking).

The book Seveneves has a character that is clearly based on him who falls in love 18 months before the earth is predicted to be charred in a fiery rain of asteroids. Recommended reading.

I used to work a really stressful two weeks a year on a contract in Anchorage and would inevitability end up with the “Mattress Ranch” jingle seared into my psyche.

Like this?

My only problem with any representative’s (consensual) affairs or kinks is that it opens them up for extortion. And that’s just irresponsible as president.

“If that doesn’t work, I’ve got a six pack of champagne and a funnel.”

During a meeting I scheduled with my boss to ask for a raise. But, he was kind enough to ignore it and I am mature enough to acknowledge it without sounding crazy. I ended up with a 40% raise, so I guess it worked out okay. (BTW: I was not underpaid for my position, just for me being a badass.)

“Insert other meat here” is my new band’s name.

Fun fact: Circus peanuts have more “may contain” ingredients (e.g. may contain peanuts) than actual ingredients listed on the package.

Using sanguine in a sentence = winning.

We have a winner.