I’m sure the sound of your own farts wooshing into your nostrils will be impressive with these headphones, as well.

Well, there _are_ a lot of Catholics out there.

> When the White House released a redacted summary of a phone call that Trump had with Ukraine’s newly elected prime minister

I could get a colonoscopy for the same price. But that tube in my ass sure won’t make phone calls. Even if it could, the sound would be muffled.

Is there a chance they’ll release a vertical mouse version of this?

This deserves more stars.

Didn’t the X-Files indicate that the U.S. government would use a holiday weekend to mask the events surrounding an alien attack?

Wait, are you saying you pay attention?

Какая там погода в Москве сегодня?

You can get 34D contacts?

Wow, the Canada option is boring. Who’d have guessed?

Obviously.

This is what happens when they “everyone gets an award for participation” generation grows up. “Waaaah, I don’t like something, change it change it!”

Syd and Nancy? Sounds like TV suicide.

“Alexa, rape me”

Dude, no one cares. The only thing you succeeded in impressing anyone here with is how much of a douche nozzle you are.

> The Departed has such a cheesy ending

I’m assuming she passed away on duty.

“Black and Dekker”

All the stars to you