I was taking a shower and washing my butt, as you do, and pulled on something. Kept pulling. Started freaking the fuck out. Threw whatever it was against the wall and kept freaking out. Thought for sure I had some sort of intestinal worm. It was a rice noodle. That I pulled out of my butt.

After the fourth day of my period, I smell like a dead rat down there. Like a rat that’s been dead for a few days.

Poor Barry’s butt.

“Here, eat these tracking cookies.”

If my biggest issue were fiscal responsibility, I’d vote for the Democrat everytime. Republicans are notoriously bad at managing the economy.

Your biggest and most important issue is fiscal responsibility. Whom do you vote for?

I’m loving that this thread has essentially split into two, and that dispersed between a fight about symbolism in literature, there are periodic musings on how and if one could purchase human remains.

I’m personally a fan of the ‘one cop at the driver’s side window and then another out of nowhere at the passenger’s side’ get’s me every time

can i get a job at Jezebel now or should I try Perez again

WHO’S A GOOD DOG? YOU ARE. YOU ARE.

But for real, unless it was like, a garbage bag full...who calls the cops for a bag of weed? If you don’t smoke it, just throw it out. If you’re not worried about it being laced with PCP, grab some friends and make a night of it.

EDIT : Even if it was a garbage bag, I don’t think I’d…

Honestly, that seems like possibly the Greatest Fake Couple To Have As Dinner Guests.

Yeah that seems like a pretty fucking arbitrary shish kabob:

I classify it in the same pop culture feminism file as SATC - a little outdated and problematic NOW, sure, but when I was like 20? It was perfect and entertaining and there will always be a place for it in my girl power heart.

Gotta disagree here regarding the trolls. We all know trolls enjoy the complete darkness of their parents basement, the only source of light coming from the computer screen turned up all the way on brightness.

I hate flourecent lighting. When I was in public school I would look at the white piece of paper on my desk and watch the flickering lights in its reflection all while getting a headache.

WHY IS IT USED AT MY HAIR SALON WHERE I AM FORCED TO STARE AT MY REFLECTION???

Over-head lighting is the worst kind of lighting. It is a fact of film and photography.

I’m sensitive to like *everything*. When the fluorescent switch goes off I hear the angels sing.

It messes everybody up. I always feel uncomfortable and I’ve been told it’s really bad for people on the autism spectrum and people with ADHD.

Can we be real and tell him straight up that Venus and Serena are probably 10x more recognizable than any male tennis player? Because seriously, I know who Nadal is, but I wouldn’t know a dude tennis player on the street. I doubt many others would either.