I love that Gary Cantrell devises these races, but he’s such a dick about them that it’s really off-putting. I’d love it if he could create races and just shut the fuck up.

Ben is a Deadpin reader who likes chess.

Imagine being someone willing to vote for someone like Trump because they think things like “IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO HAVE AN AWESOME HALLOWEEN COSTUME BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE TOO PC!!!!!” are important and inexplicably outweigh how fucking obviously horrible the person they’re voting for is.

Now imagine being the person worried…

Or an internet commenter, trying to find new ways to reject decency.

Counterpoint: It is possible to have fun even as an adult.

“Lock them up” will become “blow them up.” I’d stake my life’s savings on it.

I think “the line” would be Braun Strowman posing as the world’s largest nurse and then rampaging through the hospital while Roman’s in a bed hooked up to IVs, yelling “I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU,” and then whacking him with a bedpan while Vince stands off camera and softly chuckles “...memories.”

My cousin’s husband is a walking example of why a ‘Sad, Bland’ childhood diet has negative behavioral impacts outside of nutritional concerns. We’ve stopped inviting him out to eat with us because we’re tired of the conflict that happens when a restaurant doesn’t have a kids menu so he can order chicken fingers,…

Ketchup is objectively not spicy. You are aware that “Spicyness” is a measurable quality aren't you? And there are kids who East food that is actually spicy, so.... What was your point again?

The titles for all Mushnick columns should really start with FWD: FWD: FWD:

Man, if only they’d started talking about voter fraud or the migrant caravan instead of their shitty football teams, they’d probably be the best of friends.

Counterpoint:  Then his family would have to live in Philly instead of California.

Assholes cannot stop being assholes. It’s amazing. Like, you and I get up, we’re not assholes. Guys like this, they just ooze asshole at every waking moment.  

Ever since McCain did that whole “you’ll have to wait and see” shit with ACA every bloody Senator seems to want a moment like this. Collins was clearly always going to go for the drunk assaulter as a real Nice Guy^TM but she wanted her “moment for the books” on top.

I’m not being hysterical, I’m being Kavanaughlike.

Nah, sporting events don’t turn people into obnoxious dicks.  Sporting events just attract obnoxious dicks.

Yes yes, Yankees fans learned how to be assholes from the media, definitely

I love these two quotes.

On Fans:
“I don’t think they’re entitled to anything, either.”

On his team:

Credit where it’s due, “being racist in the stands towards a fellow athlete at your own school during a game” is one I haven’t heard in a while.

I’ve been saying this for a while and no one believed me!  This isn’t new video!