I'd never have expected a bad decision from a team that chose to name itself for one of the greatest disasters of the 19th century, that killed hundreds of people and destroyed miles of property.

Fans: [throw D batteries]

Rose said Ichiro's Japanese numbers were against inferior opponents and therefore don't count for purposes of his record.

Donald Trump: only natural born American hits count. No one cares about how many hits he had in China.

A fat NFL player punched a fat ex-NFL player.

Reporter: Do you feel like you're ready to lead this team this season?

Given its damage control abilities, the media bridge has already risen to number 2 on the QB depth chart.

Somewhere in Dimension X, Krang just got hit in the mouth with a baseball...

[Googles "Cardinals kicking fail" for the 4,121nd straight morning]

No surprise. Cubbies are never within striking distance.

That thing is straight out of the 70s. Which is where his QB rating is no doubt headed.

Coincidentally she's been witnessing more and more car accidents ever since she started recording Vines from her cell phone while driving.

I'd say the shoulder growth is more concerning.

The bags are guaranteed for 17 weeks, but almost never last longer than that.

...and in 10 years when the handbag is considered old and outdated you can threaten to move to LA unless the state buys you a new handbag.

UGH. I am not on "team monogamy" I'm on team understanding myself enough to know that sharing my partner is something that I don't think I could do, because I can be jealous sometimes, and THATS OKAY.

Not bad for a...human.

"“Man, it was like intramurals for us. There were guys out there anywhere from 18 to 40-something years old...the games were spread out. We once went six weeks between games.”

"Looks like this troll's..."
[takes off sunglasses]
"...on ice."
(YEEAA-)
[slips on ice, cracks head open like a melon on ice, oh the blood, oh my god the blood, so much blood and brains and vein tissue everywhere, Jesus Christ there are children here, oh his eyes - HIS EYES - one is looking right at me, oh dear sweet…

This isn't news. We've all had Browns'
streakers before.