In a pinch, armed with a pipe and starbursts, can I use them to make a tampon?

First, Stoudemire found the oft neglected plastic soap dish in the corner of his shower become reproachful. This development was both shocking yet fascinating. Something he couldn't get enough of, but could never quite understand either. The problem was he began to see reproach everywhere he looked, and it slowly took…

Thanks for taking the time. I'm a big fan of this site and hope to contribute and help keep it funny one of these days — which includes me not commenting a lot of the time. I was certainly guilty of that at first. Mostly, I stick to the side and try to learn from the better commenters here and I certainly appreciate…

I knew your name was familiar. To answer your question: I don't make bombs in my basement, and it might have been satire, I'm just still working on funny.

I certainly hope you do stick around. I started commenting earlier this year (have followed for about three though), but I'm not funny, have little to add, and make way too many references to the cold war, Freud, Marx, and John Carpenter, which is why (with good reason) I'm stuck in the gray. I just try to pick my…

Doyle Wolverton knew he'd never be the most-winning girls basketball coach. Always the punch line to a bad joke, or an answer to an obscure trivia question.

It's tragic stories like these that will hopefully bring about changes and regulations in...wait, what the fuck was he doing?....Well this hardly makes any good goddamn sense!

Corey Feldman to Management:

Sorry to hear that. May it all go as well as it can.

'Garden' is always a nice euphemism for basement, but I like yours better. Wonder if the real estate market will follow suit...

That's normal practice south of I-80. They put those signs up as a warning for those of us who are just driving through.

Earliest restart now pushed back to three. Additionally, beer sales have been suspended at Soldier Field, which is the smartest decision made there in decades.

The Jayhawks fan base originally went after Charlie Weis, but a professor in attendance convinced them to take a more pragmatic approach.

Reiss certainly took the Jungian archetype of the flood to the precipice there. Don't think there'd be much left to start over with if he went any further.

After this video surfaced rumors spread that Tony Picard was actually a member of the Kennedy family, as no one had seen quite a swath cut through turf since the glory days of JFK.

Dear Jeff,

Congrats and best of luck to you!

I can't believe he did that! Even I could see the ball was under the blue hat.

...and the bear still sat in the woods, while yet again Americans awoke to find it was indeed still morning, people went to their jobs, Reagan was still President, and Atari had yet to collaborate with the Soviets on their biggest game yet: Glasnost/Perestroika!

I can see good arguments made for each side of this call. On the one hand you have noted Marxist James Harden exercising the economic activity required by society to provide for material needs and truly practicing the tenet 'from each according to his ability' as he fouls Anthony, and in the other Carmelo wearing that…