Q: How you get a nun pregnant?

Damn, that's going deep into the archives. I had to look that one up. Well played.

I was going to watch my neighbors make out, but it ain't Friday yet.

In a move today that would make Mississippi proud, the Cleveland Indians have decided to let the public decide what qualifies as racist.

What, they can't get Tim Couch...off the couch?

Take the money every damn time.

I live in Chicago and deal with that bullshit chair thing every winter. I've lived here almost 20 years and the only winter tradition with chairs involves throwing them into the snow bank and telling your neighbor to screw.

WES: I wonder if Vince Lombardi would think I'm like that Will guy he always talked about? I bet he would. What did he say, 'Character is an integration of habits of conduct superimposed on temperament. It is Will exercised on disposition, thought, emotion and action. Will is the character in action.' Who was this guy…

I personally think they're genius. And clearly your intentions are good. I've a feeling you're...a bit misunderstood?

I'm beginning to question the integrity of the Patriots' Way.

168 million over the next seven years...and Detroit thought they were taking it up the ass.

Neon Deion drives me bonkers, but after seeing that I take it all back — except the claim that he's the only defensive player in the Hall of Fame never to make a tackle.

I have to go with this Leonard Cohen number, every time:

I'm tempted to say Jesus Christ, but he can't hit a curve ball.

But can they do it in a pool with a basketball?

You just watch the line. The bets dictate that.

To be fair, the fish surely contribute the bulk of the overhead.

Cubs fan do enough to give Chicago sports fans a bad name, let's not do that to the Hawks too. Please.

I can't believe someone would do that at a Hawks game! I only watch Ellen when I fap.

It's been a while since I've read any Thornton Wilder, but I don't remember baseball being the central point, the moral compass, of it all.