First, I don't think a bleeding vagina is disgusting. I mean, I have thought a bleeding vagina is disgusting, by proxy, because I got menstrual blood in my mouth in an ill-timed moment of intimacy, but generally, I understand and accept the right of the female body to function as it does.

I accidentally replied to myself rather than you, but while I'm calling attention to myself, I'd like to say that a cottony condom would work splendidly.

Men already pee where ever they want.

No, really. Think about it.

If men got periods the blood would come out of their penis or their ass. So, I'd like you all to think about that before you make any more jokes about men getting a period.

In all fucked-up seriousness, I would much rather be reading about Brett Favre's penis right now.

Because 98.35% of women will forget to vote anyway because they will talk too much about for whom they plan on voting.

Because these statistics mean nothing, we made them all up because you're a woman, and everyone knows about women and maths.

I just want to know why you're so opposed to gays serving openly in the military, why you want to deny them that freedom when they're fighting and dying for your right to run for president.

Jesus, this is depressing - I mean, the serial killer(s) went to all this trouble to be your typical "I'm smarter than the police, now I'm just toying with them" killer(s), when all they had to do was show up to the bar the cops hold their weekly trivia night at.

This problem would be solved if we eliminated school "bake sales" altogether in favor of school "klonopin sales."

Update: ESPN's Chris Broussard reports David Stern to block divorce of Kobe Bryant from wife Vanessa.

This should coincide nicely with the release of my own documentary - a hard-hitting, unblinking look at exactly who is responsible for the as-of-yet unexplained exponential widening of Tom Hanks' head. I've interviewed scores of people close to Hanks, as well as friends of Vince Vaughn and John Travolta (both also…

So, since some of you clearly don't mind infantilizing yourselves - judging, at least, by a certain amount of outrage expressed over Ms. Theron's comments regarding Hello Kitty - would you mind wearing pigtails more often? Also, I really like baby talk.

I guess it depends on where he's masturbating.

She's gonna freak out when she finds out the Mexicans were eating tacos while doing belly flops into her pool after cutting her grass.

Please, no body-shaming the cartoon.

"Listen, Sandusky's in a fight for his life. It's our hope that we can find a hole and he can slide through it. If not, we'll try to pound it in. We just hope that we can penetrate this hole before it closes in on him."

"I kind of want to suck Eli Manning's dick right now."

You guys and your slut-shaming.