Shelter Worker: All these little guys are looking for a home. Would you be interested in this cat named Eli Manning? Or over here is a cute little puppy, we named him Tom Brady. And here's a bird we named Cam Newton. And this little guy is JaMarcus Russell.

Ohhh, there's the midget!

When I saw that someone was willing to endure incredible discomfort just to show off their excessive ink, I just assumed this would be about Bissinger.