My sister-in-law tried to convince me I should read it. So happy I declined.

It's like house keys, a wallet, or a sense of shame. If you make sure to leave it in the same place every time, you'll be sure to find it when you need it.

And now we will all probably find as many pop culture references as we can. I'm skipping the Turtles and going to Spaceballs.

To the author of the email:

What was that first girl freaking out on you about? Yeah, the first two blog posts were pretty snarky, and the comments were probably mean (so surprising on the internet), but it was just riffing on the ACTUAL, REAL text (email, handbook) that Greeks send to each other. If your handbook is so insane that strangers all…

Are you sure it wasn't Kappa Kappa Kappa?

It will be really awkward when he goes home and finds 2 years worth of his shitty episodes in her garage.

Hmm yes, the Uncle Terry Lite school of art. Deep. Really thought provoking. Her facial expression says, "Lets all go do shots!" but her train lingerie says, "I already did shots!" I like the juxtaposition of the model with all the haterz trying to commute. Probably to their stupid ass day jobs that are not edgy at…

Maybe it's cool if you sing it in Italian. "Vaffancuuuuuuulo!"

So I'm from Australia....we got rid of our guns.....were pretty fine now. You really really dont need them, infact you need them about as much as you need school shootings. I hope they get this little one some therapy, hes got a tough road ahead.

That's why you get a dog. The dog alerts you to the intruder. Fuck, they've been domesticated for almost 30,000 years to do this. Not rocket science.

i read your first line and didn't read the rest because you're a fucking asshole.

Sessue Hayakawa, silent film actor. Purrrr

Jimmy Stewart, 'nuff said.

Here are a few reasons why restaurants don't want people brown-bagging it:

Little do they suspect that once puberty hits, those boys will all gain superpowers. Puberty gives boys the ability to juggle semi-trucks with their testicles, and fire lasers from their mouths, thus improving their basketball ability beyond the reach of girls, who upon puberty only gain boobs.

they make such sloppy passes

That was a couple of stupid sentences.

Why is that a picture of a women laughing when the texts says tears? You seem confused.