Holy shit that unibrow!

This is the quote from Time:

"Teach Me How To Duggar"

It's not a restaurant story, but a retail story: In college I worked multiple positions at the Best Buy in Roanoke, VA, including as a Loss Prevention Officer (you know the guy in the yellow shirt by the front door who greets you and guards the door) because I'm 6'6 and at the time probably 275lbs of mostly muscle.

SO I used to work at a very busy restaurant in a college neighborhood in DC. The intersection we were at was the hub of the neighborhood, the place you'd tell your cabbie to go. So in the summer we got a lot of foot traffic outside our (open) floor to ceiling accordion windows. The most coveted dining tables were the…

In my mind those guys are three totally straight bros who were walking around in Crocs and sweatpants until the song came on and the power of Beyonce transformed them into the outfits and the heels and the insane, perfectly-choreographed dance moves. It was like a scene in a musical where the whole town starts dancing…

Every time you tell a woman to smile, feminists sneak into your house and lick all your stuff.

Male tears cure all female injuries and ailments. That is actually the sole purpose of feminism: to generate male tears for the advancement of women.

The friendzone is actually a place where women keep men whose blood they are planning to bathe in to harness the powers of The goddess.

Women who participate in hook up culture actually just really enjoy attaching monitors to computers, speakers to home theaters, trailers to hitches, pumps to filters.

Or his wife has a baby and he irresponsibly chooses to stay home for two weeks and his team suffers for it.

When a woman wears a hoodie, it's actually a subliminal message to help her acquire the sex of an uncircumcised man.

Women are imaginary, like unicorns and bridges.

And not only today, but every day. Example:

To be fair no porcupine has ever been of woman born. That I know of.

The baby porcupine better be named "Macduff"

When calling for someone to get the sack I think a certain amount of care should be taken with regard to general public knowledge.

Shockingly enough, he might have felt that way about Canalis and Kiebler too. Worthless strumpets that they are, and all.

I am offering two leftover tablets of Vicodin, a Queen Victoria penny, and a Starbucks coupon for the unretouched photos.

After spending 2 hours in a Kindergarten class today, I can unequivocally tell you: This is not cute. Nope. Not even little.