You can always have my armrest. I don't get the armrest thing at all. They're maybe 3" above the seat. Who's got such gangly arms and stubby torsos that using these things is even mildly comfortable?

I've always found them to be way too low, and I'm five-nothin'. But then, I also think 90% of all arm rests are too low to be useful or comfortable. Maybe I have a magic ass that's adding 6" to my height when I sit down. :(

When I was a teenager in London, one could get last-minute tickets on the cheap and I'd often end up in the box. It was awesome.

You won't be. Anxiety drugs can work wonders, but they can't keep you from trying to save yourself .

I guess since I'm a chola now, I can only say orale.

So is the 50lbs of pie thing a cynical attempt to get a weight loss endorsement? It is, right? I'm going to be so disappointed if it isn't.

The guy that invented the damn things already called it: soft G.

Her wax boyfriend is reminding me of her wax ex-husband, Kevin Federline, during the Chaotic days. Is anyone else getting that vibe?

Yeah, she's inadvertently made a perv value pack.

It could be the pandering to body image concerns that get "addressed" by tossing in a token chubby dancer, which Miley has definitely done. Maybe it's a jab at the way fat women can only be sexy if it's a joke, which you have to admit is kind of Rebel Wilson's thing. Or the fetishization of zaftig women as sexual…

Yes! I even thought it was a cameo at first, and then I realized that while she was plump, she wasn't wasn't the same size. But damn, is she ever a ringer.

She already mocked that trope in her video for The Fear. That dress and all the dancing balloon men and the battalion of Barrows still make Zooey Deschenal seethe with jealousy.

I guess she could always do a bump of cocaine that she's fished out of her hair.

I guess Betsy Riley hasn't been in Ulta in a while.

You can fake it for a few hours with Bumble+bumble's Dryspun spray. It's not hair spray and it's not hair powder... it's kind of both and neither. I don't know what the fuck it is, honestly, but holy shit did it give me crazy perfect Effie Trinket hair for halloween. I still had to powder it to get it white, but…

As someone who's had many pairs of underwear, jeans, pants, bedsheets, mattress covers, and one mattress destroyed by the unholy elevator of blood that is my uterus (thanks, endometriosis), I feel for your old schoolmate. And I have thighs! But menstrual technology has not advanced enough to deal with my stupid…

Damn yeah. I mean, are these people deranged? "No goal was ever achieved without a thigh gap"?! For fuck's sake. Selena shattered the sausage-themed, fringe-trimmed stained glass ceiling of tejano without a thigh gap. Your thigh gap is neither required nor desired, honey.

Oh my god. I didn't even consider that. I. can't. wait.

She sure as hell does. I saw a picture of her in this dress the other day that couldn't be zipped up all the way because it was too small, so since it was an open-backed gown with drapery, Charlize and/or her stylist tried to fudge it and hope no one noticed. Stars! Just like us!

I thought the tiny picture on the front page said "Barnes & Nibbles." Guess I'm hungrier than I realized.