You went to K State. A lot more than 5 minutes has been stolen from you.

The Rockets decided that they’d beat the Warriors by signing a guy who they’ve depantsed for five seasons. The funny part was that people bought in.

Houston’s basically running the Bel-Air Academy offense.

Mike Tyson Edges Out Michael Spinks

Thaaat’s it. There’s the jinx I was looking for. Thank you, Lauren.

I missed the Mother’s Day episode because I had no clue there were two episodes separated by an hour. Eat a big old dick, Fox.

Godammit. My fear neurons keep twitching and say, “They will find a way to fuck up again this year.”

Thaaat’s it. There’s the jinx I was looking for. Thank you, Barry.

Yes. The redemption moment was ridiculous and predictable. It was ridictable! Or maybe prediculous.

like the Caps will be.

This take held up well!

Louise convincing the cops that Regular Sized Rudy was terminally ill and them repeatedly struggling not to lose it at his bravery was hilarious.

“Go against a Belcher, and prepare to be slightly inconvenienced.”

Stand in the place where you work.

Is there some available coach out there who has a secret plan for making James less good at basketball?

Is there some available coach out there who has a secret plan for making James less good at basketball? If so, the Raptors should definitely hire that guy.

Here’s the thing: if he wins ONE cup — ONE, not multiple — he’s unquestionably the greatest Cap ever by any metric you choose to use. I already think he is, since none of them ever won anything, but the fact you keep saying multiple cups is the craziest part here.

Ovi is actually scoring in the playoffs (for once)

Ovechkin is (or will be) one of the top 10 or 15 guys ever. So, yeah, he’s the best Cap.

Ovi is the best Caps player of all time. No slight to Bondra, but Ovi is one of the best goal scorers in the history of the game.