The tried the same program with Foot Locker Employees, but found a higher percentage of them were felons.

I’m all for bucking the norm, but Wheeler is gonna end up with face tattoos.

A related joke that ties into both navies of landlocked nations and Igny’s recent post about humor in totalitarian regimes:

Pretty odd we know the victim’s name but not the perpetrator’s. So many thing wrong with that.

Don’t know why there’s much mystery about whether a kid like that to get ejected. Seems like a pretty black and white situation.

If that kid isn’t thrown off the team and possibly expelled from school, the coach should be fired.

He can’t be a thug, to light. So that leaves he’s just mentally ill

Duke has found its replacement for Grayson Allen.

Odell Beckham Jr.: Yeah, I took them all, dog, with some parmesan - and I think my arm is gone?
Andrew Luck: No, it’s probably numb.

Eating food and doing blow isn’t a thing.

Let he who doesn’t chop his parmesan cheese with a credit card cast the first stone.

I once made that trip from Cleveland to Buffalo in an hour fourty-five. That marriage didn’t last.

Fitzy McCatholicschool really impressed me this year.

Tyrod suddenly wishes he wasn’t so mobile.

In fairness, they’re now free of the horror of having an effective black quarterback. They’re now free to draft a somewhat less effective but super scrappy white dude the fanbase can pin all their hopes on until week 5 or so when they realize he sucks.

As a scientist, I can tell you I have blinded dozens of squirrels and released them into the wild. None have ever found a nut. There’s your evidence. You’re welcome.
Now if you excuse me, I need to keep the neighbor cat from eating all the dead squirrels on my front lawn.

See the loveli lakes

The Canada Goose is objectively bad. It will fuck you up for no better reason than it decides you deserve it.

Birds are good. Did you know that if you give a struggling cancer patient a bird, it magically transforms their cancer from being their number one worst affliction to their number two worst affliction?

If he is 20, I would advise him to go straight to college. I would tell him, don’t go back to Rockville and waste another year.