Eminem is great. Eminem is fucking timeless. What a fucking rapper. Magnificent.

I saved up to buy a kitty surprise when I was a kid, and my mom took me to the toy store to pick one out. I must have spent half a freaking hour trying to decide which one to buy (because HOW MANY ARE INSIDE?), while my mom kept saying "Just pick one already." I finally picked one, brought it home, and AW YEAH 5…

I wanted one of these so bad as a kid, and my parents wouldn't get it for me because they thought it was a stupid fad toy. Well, JOKE'S ON YOU MOM AND DAD. Puppy surprise is back and now I'm a 30-year-old with a salary and an unknown number of baby puppy-sized holes in my heart.

"Ellen and Portia de Rossi Break"

... aaaaaand my heart stopped beating.

"The Internet"

Is that all? Phew!

Wait, who wears a bra at night?

I'm at that point in my life where lots of my friends are getting pregnant and having babies. Every time someone tells me they're pregnant, I'm unsure if I should say "Congratulations!" or "On purpose?" And this is how I know that I am not yet ready to procreate.

What about this gem of a commercial from Australia

She's cute, but this baby wins for feeling it.

One awful night when the flashbacks were too much, RAINN's online hotline got me through. Every year since, I donate to them whatever I can. I hope they helped you get through the night. Take it one day at a time.

This many hugs.

A puppy-kitty hug for you.

All the hugs.

Jesus Christ. I'm so very very sorry. *hugs*

ALL the hugs!!!!!

Jesus H! I have nothing to say but feel the vibes of my digital hugs.

I'm so so sorry. Virtual pats on the back b/c I've got a cold and don't want you to catch it! Contact RAINN online help center if you find yourself in crisis. They were helpful for me.

Hug. All the hugs.

So. I am here to give an update about what happened last week when I fled from my emotionally abusive boyfriend. I've been posting about trying to get out of this relationship for a while but had been very very stuck do to being very very poor and very alone in a new city and not being able to afford a place of my own…

My pet peeve is misuse of apostrophes. Sorry.