If that happens, then I feel sorry for future employees of Dick's Sporting Goods.

The problem is, by saying you only feel sympathy for their children and not for these women stuck doing something they regretted, you're ensuring that women will continue to feel ashamed for having these feelings and they won't speak about this frankly to people close to them or anyone else, and will keep these…

This is not helping me keep my breakfast down.

What the heck is that 1% supposed to be for, if not a dishwasher?? That makes no sense and is totally ridiculous.

I won a $200 blender yesterday, and I got a raise. Bring on the margaritas!

Yesterday night, me and my guys were hanging out at someone's house, around a fire and we were drinking. We started talking about the Ray Rice incident, and for the first time ever, I disclosed my rape and abusive relationship to my friends.

*does 5 lunges* WHY DON'T I LOOK LIKE SERENA WILLIAMS YET.

To me, rape is a crime that you can never repay. As someone who was just involved in a rape trial that actually went to court, I know that the struggle and turmoil of the victim oftentimes is with them for the rest of their lives. My friend who was raped has panic attacks regularly, has tried to kill herself a few…

Rude, exactly!! If I were a celeb who had even a shred of compassion for the mortals, I would turn and run the second I suspected a wedding was within a quarter of a mile of my person. Even if the bride and groom were fans, I would assume that they would not want the unexpected excitement and stolen attention that my…

So, ideal wedding crashers? I'm going to go with Ellen and Portia. They'd dance, Ellen would at some point grab a mic and crush it, Portia is a deity, and they'd probably send some awesomely original gift after the fact.

My new puppy's favorite rawhide is "buffalo pizzle"... which I had to Google. It's a god damn BUFFALO PENIS. I'm really not sure how I feel about this. I've been spoiling her rotten, trying to find toys and rawhides that she'll like because she stuck her nose up at a few things that have since been donated to my Mom's…

Tracie, I've loved working with you here and cannot wait to see what you have up your sleeve at your new job with [REDACTED COMPANY]. I'll never forget the time the entire Jezebel staff [REDACTED SUBSTANCE] on your roof and then took [REDACTED SUBSTANCE] while sharing our mutual weird sex fantasies about [REDACTED…

im not even mad. this sounds sweet and lowkey and do you guys think shiloh would be my friend? i wanna hang out.

Good thing no one asked you.

This makes me proud to be a Columbia alum, and that isn't something I've been able to say a lot during the past few months.

I don't think so at all. The physical burden of the mattress is strenuous, sure. But think of how walking in with a mattress will disrupt every class she goes to. How much room it takes up in an elevator. How it will slow/block traffic on a stairwell. Hell, how many people will be made uncomfortable by asking…

Humphries was her second marriage. I have no room in my head for important knowledge because I know shit like that.

Her entire veil/ back of her dress is covered in drawings from her kids.

I am such a bad person. When I read just those three words, I almost thought this was going to be one of those weird "Shrayber Sex Stories" Mark has become famous for.