The cherry on top was walking back out after I locked my shit down and the woman’s husband was standing sheepishly at the hostess stand. He handed me a $50 bill and shook his head, saying, “I’m so sorry.”

KEEP FIRING ASSHOLES!

And you most definitely do not look at it.

I’m so glad I missed those...and I never want to see them.

This sketch does not get nearly enough praise, but I think it might be his best:

This is a valid point.

My work on Hawk and Steve is out there.

“Funky Buttlovin!!!”- Brett Gardner

Throwing back home run balls is fucking dumb. Unless you’re Henry Rowengartner.

Speaking of Raw, I notice you, Tim, semi-regularly post about wrestling (Cena’s nose last week and the guy mimicking blowing Roman Reigns the week before). Any other wrestling fans on the staff? I was a huge fan during the Attitude Era, since I was about 10 when Stone Cold got really big. I quit watching probably when…

How to start your day like Mocena:

I'm actually thinking of pitching that to Deadspin as a piece. Will It Punt?!

Why do people need so many machines? I toss it all in one, colours, whites, whatever. Everything comes out fine.

That’s El Torito. He’s a sort of mascot for Los Matadores. He is actually quite an accomplished wrestler himself, though; he used to wrestle in Mexico as Mascarita Dorada, and he does very, very occasionally get to use that in WWE as well. He had a match against Hornswoggle last year that was built up as a joke, but…

A few weeks ago, I was in a class for work, and we had a catered in lunch. The girl sitting next to me said, “Oh, I hope they have something gluten free.” I responded with “Oh, you have Celiac disease?” To which she replied, “No, I’m just kindof intolerant. Like if I eat gluten, I get bad heartburn.”

If you need to leave a boring business meeting, shit your pants. #lifehack

The best thing about Arbys is Nihilist Arbys