Well done!

Good to know there’s another person out there like this. “Oh you don’t think I can shotgun 5 beers before this song is over? FUCK YOU HAND ME A KNIFE.”

Elf on the shelf should put in a sack. The sack should be thrown in a river and the river should be hurled into the sun.

Upon finishing, the gentleman turned around and screamed, “YOU LIKE THAT?!?!”

This may be the weirdest application of Pinkham’s Law yet.

Who the hell just lets a fart fly in a restaurant like it’s nothing? I’ll run to the bathroom if I have to.

Both rest stops were in Ohio, just after I75 and after Van Wert. I bailed 30 at I69. And the Indiana portion of US30 is great. With the small towns, it breaks up the drive.

The best part about this is he’s not even playing Bernie Sanders. He’s just playing Larry David. And it all works!

I will not stand for those who are already pre-emptively expressing disgust for Cubs fans and their newfound success. Success eventually gets annoying for every successful team, particularly those in large markets. And I hate when people say “Cubbies,” and I know Wrigley has always been filled with a lot of people who…

Shut up.

Oh God. The Bartman game, Cubs were up 3-0 in the 8th, people are the bar were congratulating me (I was decked out in my Cubs stuff). Then the meltdown. I walked home in tears, realized halfway home I forgot my debit card at the bar and walked back to get it. No one looked at me when I came back in.

Sounds like it’s actually the husband here, which is still creepy...maybe even creepier.

Any son who refers to his mom as “Mother” probably needs a lot of therapy and is a mama’s boy.

Mr. Bates your table is ready

Ever heard of The Vortex? The owner is one of my favorite people, like, on the planet. Here are their policies, which includes this peach and many others:

This sounded so serial killer-esque to me.

I am looking to hire cooks and waitstaff for my newest restaurant - Punchie’s This Is How We Serve It.

NEVER SEEN A MAN EAT SO MANY CHICKEN WINGS

As a Cubs fan I of course want them to win. But more than anything, please please please don’t let the Cardinals win.