He ain’t grown.

“Fields is dubbed “The Incredible Hulk” at Spring Valley High because of his ability to bench 600 pounds.” I mean if I had a small dick I’d be constantly angry and have to do things as such to make up for the fact that my cock is the size of a pencil too, like bench press ungodly amounts of weight and attack female…

Urban Dictionary did wonders. Your comment was totally on fleek and I appreciate the help. Keep it 1 hunna in the future like always, fam.

Is it possible for someone to translate this story into English? I would like to read it but I have no idea what the fuck she is saying.

Nobody...calls me...CHICKEN.

“I’ll time you.” is the same as “I bet you can’t....” What? You don’t think I can? Fuck you, I can! I’m reminded of the time I’ve previously mentioned in comments somewhere of a friend who told me “I bet you can’t eat one of those 50 piece nuggets from McDonalds.” and my reply was “What? Fuck you, I can eat TWO OF…

Farting Denny’s lady reminds me of a recent “altercation” with a woman who was upset about waiting in line at my job (we were short staffed and I was alone) who, in an attempt to somehow get people’s attention I’m guessing, farted for a good, solid, 7 seconds straight. Like, the fart was long enough I was able to look…

I don’t blame Andrew. I don’t blame Chuck. Hell, I don’t even blame Irsay. The entire problem with this team is Grigson and the choices he has made and continues to make. But nothing will be done about it so we’ll just continue to embarrass ourselves every week and slowly become the laughing stock of the league,…

I live in a town that US 30 crosses through and can assure you there’s nothing wrong with US 30. Hell, where I’m at, there aren’t even any rest stops. In fact, wracking my brain to even think of where one would be....there are none. Warsaw used to have some on the west side and those closed up long ago and there’s…

When I was a kid, we lived in a very small house, before moving to a much bigger house when I was in my teens. The reason we lived there was because it was my great-grandfather’s house and, well, he died there, and my parents were able to buy it from my grandma and grandpa for very cheap. I never liked that house,…

Hooray for the giant homophobe!

I bought a singular Uniball JetStream one day while on a supply run at Staples because I liked the look of it and the fact that it was, at the time, on sale. The next day I used it at work and I like it so much I went back to Staples after work that night and bought 6 more. That was around 6 months ago and since then…

I bought a singular Uniball JetStream one day while on a supply run at Staples because I liked the look of it and…

Follow up, subsequent road trips with other friends involved one repeatedly buying such things as Corn Nuts and Cookies and Creme Hershey bars and me berating him for buying “non road-trip food.” and another trip with a former girlfriend where we subsided entirely on Red Vines, Red Bull, Red Creme Soda and Red Hots…

Just over a decade ago a friend and I road tripped it to southern florida (we live near Chicago). Being young and dumb, we decided we were going to get there as fast as humanly possible. This meant driving all night, taking turns behind the wheel, and only stopping when we needed gas (unless we had an emergency pee or…

“the car was its slowing down to around 20 mph under the speed limit for that particular area.” Oh so the driver is one of *those* assholes. There’s a road near me where, with signs in multiple places along the road, the speed limit is 55mph. But assholes go down that road refusing to do over 35mph. Constantly. No…

Subway has bathrooms? That makes sense. The loafs have to come from somewhere.

I can’t even pee in public. I’m like that guy from the movie “Waiting...”. If I’m out somewhere, I have to have a stall. And even then, it’s hit or miss. So there’s no way in hell I’d ever be able to shit in public. Ever. I would have to go with The Wall and then I’d awkwardly have to explain so many people. Like for…

Look, I’m not proud of this, but I kind of want to try a piece of pizza with some grape jelly on it now. Maybe it’s the best fucking thing on the planet and everyone is just judging over it because they have no idea. We’re over here giving them shit over it but we don’t know.

Mother likes her food hot. Musn’t upset mother!