If only Ben Carson had been there.

Friend: “Hey, I bet you can’t eat a 50 piece nugget from McDonald’s in one sitting.”

Do I have a girlfriend? No. But I had a fiance, who not only cheated on me, she and her family conspired to cost me my job, which removed me from their lives entirely (she and I both worked at the same place). I went from being happily engaged and employed to single and unemployed in the blink of an eye. Did I go on a…

That lady was probably allergic to the crunchy part of cheese and crackers so how dare you make a cake that would replicate that you sick monster bastard.

The saddest fact though is that no one will ever see or hear this story. The Right has already completely made up their minds and even if they were confronted smack in the face with this story shedding light on the real reason as to why, they’d ignore it and not reverse their stance. They’re crazy fuckheads, the lot…

Wait, the Cards did something dishonest? You’re a liar. Get out. Get out of here.

who is *also* from Indiana...

Can’t act too shocked, Pinkham. This is Indiana, which is a valid enough excuse as “It’s Florida” and “It’s Texas.” We’re easily the 3rd worst state in the nation when it comes to everything. But when it comes to HIV/AIDs, we take the cake. Ryan White was from here and, well, just do some internet searching or some…

I like to think of Pinkham’s Law as being the Kitchenette form of the Weeaboo.

She...she thought cheeseburgers were made only from cheese? I...wha...huh?

How to watch it? Simple: don’t live where I do. 100% cloud cover right now. I can’t even tell where the moon should be in the sky right now. Just total darkness. It’s like this any time anything cool happens, too. Meteor shower? Clouds. Eclipse? Clouds. Comet passing by? Clouds. Just always clouds. This place sucks.

“5:30 p.m. — Comedy Central — Dumb & Dumber

“Bumgarner had something to say.” yes and I believe it was “FUCK!”

Joe West is the Joey Crawford of the MLB. The games are about him, not the teams or players. He should have retired years ago. The self-centered piece-of-shit.

I broke my nose for the first time while having sex for only the third time in my life. High school girlfriend. We had finally taken the plunge and gave in to our lusts and lost our virginities to each other like a week before. It honestly wasn’t that memorable. 2nd time the same. 3rd time we decide we’re gonna do…

Tracy’s old school. He don’t be pulling out.

Jets pizza is a Michigan based pizza chain that I happen to love. I was near one (I don’t live in Michigan nor near one) during lunch time one day so I stopped in to find out they offer a lunch special of 2 slices of deep dish and a 20oz bottle of pop for $4.99. Healthy? No. Delicious and cheap? Yes. I approach the…

The onion waitress isn’t fully wrong. I know some people who can’t even eat ketchup because “it’s too spicy.” Ketchup. So to someone else, the flavor of onion may be too much for them. I don’t know. Don’t judge me. Fuck you.

Buddy. First name: Not Your.

Karma-ic payback for that cheap blindside hit on GT’s QB earlier in the game. No tears shed here.