Opinion: everyone should have to survive off of service industry jobs and wages for a year. It would make society a nicer place.

Sammy Sosa simply refuses to pick a race

The kiddo (9 year old) whose letter was shilled last week is a poor dear named dylan (dillon?) Who gets called Dyl/Dill-pickle or “Pickle” by his contemporaries.

It’s because we need ninjas.

Recipe for the Mooch (Yield: 1 homunculus to gestate in glass/under rock)

^ This seems like an accurate description.  

He is the most blatant cliche ever...and he just keeps getting ‘clicheier’ by the moment..

Watching pacifist Jimmy Carter just go apeshit on Trump would be immensely gratifying

“1. Beating out the catcher’s throw to first on a surprise bunt with two outs in the bottom of the ninth.” - Major League/Mr. Baseball

“The swamp will not defeat him,” he said, breaking into the third person. “They’re trying to resist me, but it’s not going to work.”

I think Kyrie has legitimate reasons to be pissed off at Lebron. Lebron thinks that the world revolves around him, which obviously isn’t true since the world is flat.

Derrick Rose is so broke down he doesn’t even have his thorn any more.

*receives pink slips*

“What if one of us is god?”

JAJAJAJA

If a car develops a mind, would we need to ask for consent before getting in?

I know someone who’s getting laid tonight.

im the guy who enthusiastically claps when the president of america blows an o-ring while jerking off a robot

He’s playing the long game, like Taft. Can’t get thrown out of the White House if you’re wedged in the bathtub.

Why can’t all teens be bitter, emotionally crippled, Tom Waits-loving alcoholics like I was at 17?