My name is Ron Johnson

Man, in any hypothetical Animal Vs. Animal discussion I’ve ever seen, gorillas are soooo underrated. My final answer depends on whether I’d have Beastmaster control over my squad or if I’d have to convince them to fight for my cause and marshal the field. But either way, I wants gorillas on my team.

He kept rubbing my leg and was like, “You know, you’re so beautiful. I love your little nose, it’s like a little beet.” I go, “Did you say a beet? Like, what the f—-?” I started giving him a hard time about it. And he goes, “No, no, no, no! It’s majestic. It’s a very smart nose, like an eagle.” I was like, “Just keep…

Bortles & Foles sounds like some sort of disgusting old-timey Brittish food.

She looks like she teleported and it didn’t quite go right.

And another named Dick Trickle!

Ooh yeah, gimme some Rimmer Fredette on Tush Parker action in my backcourt.

They really missed an opportunity not calling that album Off the Kob.

Hugh E. Mighty?

He has Resting Toad Face.

Yeah, that checks out. Even the Back to the Future universe had their version of Trump win after a Cubs WS.

I’d love to see Muck do some Code 45 kremlinology with this.

Fuck, man. If Santa can shrink AND manifest Legos, he could sneak inside Godzilla’s nostrils or ear holes or, uh, you know... cloaca... and produce untold billions or them. Can you imagine stepping on billions of Legos... from the inside... until you exploded?!

I’m not sure it’s bestiality if they’re both turtles.

Depending on where he was sitting, it might’ve been an upperdecker.

I googled ‘Trump in Nature’ to see and all I got were a bunch of pictures of him golfing and the search engine helpfully suggesting that I may have meant ‘Trump immature.’

In case you’d like to vomit, ‘a young socialite’ in Trump’s orbit in 2000 would almost certainly be a friend of Ivanka’s. I’ll bet $100 on Paris Hilton.

Did you know there’s a band called the Flobots? Here’s one of their songs. It’s about a boastful demagogue who leads a holocaust, not that that’s relevant to anything!

To be fair, nobody could lie as much as her job requires and keep a straight face.

That happens to me every year, right around Halloween. Sometimes I swear I have a witch’s hex on me, but then I remember I’m a just UGA fan.