Apropos of nothing other than your use of ‘quesh,’ today I sent an email to a prospective employer without noticing that when I tried to type ‘messaged’ autocorrect inserted ‘meshed.’ So now I look like an inappropriately casual dipshit to the people interviewing me for this job I really want! Please kill me!

I need Carrie Hunt and the Spoonerisms to weigh in on this.

Jeez, you don’t have to brag about it.

Psst... every restaurant I’ve ever worked in uses Hidden Valley packets to make their ranch. If you like it thinner just add a little butter milk and give it good shake. That said, ranch is fucking gross.

Secretary is so much better, both the movie and the short story it was based. Fifty Shades is a shitty ripoff of Secretary (wherein a shy, mousy woman enters a BDSM with a powerful executive named Mr. Grey) masked by its even bigger ripoff of Twilight (which itself sucks).

She got Chucky face

A Glenn Becky?

Wait, are Aussie toilets like that because Aussie poops : regular poops :: Foster’s beer cans : regular beer cans? FOSTER’S: AUSTRALIAN FOR POOP 

It is worth invading Earth to see the end of an episode, according to Lrrr from the Planet Omicron Persei 8.

For a final touch of embarrassment for UNLV, the Rebels paid Howard University $600,000 to come play in Las Vegas. Ouch.

False, it is robots that destroy man, despite what your Bender studies professor says.

I thought you meant Kim Kardashian at first. Would rather watch that than Mayweather/MacGregor.

No one cares about your stupid BoSox.

Necessary. How many S’s? How many R’s? Do the C’s or S’s come first? Which syllables have E’s and which have A’s?

I assume it’s a German word for holding in a fart on an elevator.

IDK, I’m not really in to EDM.

I really hope she beefs with Beyoncé at some point so Twitter is nothing but venomous bees and snakes. Like Australia.

To be fair I was pretty fucking stupid when I was a baby.

So classy

There’s one in Helena, Montana that they are thankfully (and surprisingly) removing soon. That’s damn near Canada.