If you’re not already listening to Cracked’s Kurt Vonneguys podcast, you should be.

Goddammit. At least it wasn’t Goatse.

I cried watching Benji the Hunted on a bus ride in Peru a few years ago even though it was in Spanish so I didn’t know what anybody was saying. I was pretty drunk though.

My dad flew F-4 Phantoms when I was a kid, which I thought was the coolest thing ever. Little did I know he could’ve been slaying fucking dragons.

Also a fraudulently gay married firefighter! Such range!

That title would probably go to a child or animal actor. But he is certainly an ultracool dwarf.

Earlier today I googled ‘cowboy lemur riding a fossa’ and got nothing, and yet this video exists. Very upsetting.

That’s legitimately cool, but is he living in the back of a u-haul?!

Yeah, no kidding. Some stories don’t have any heroes.

Yeah, I always figured his young would swarm from an egg sac.

Damn it, the joke was right there!

I swear this is true: Morrissey once sat at a bar in Fort Collins, Colorado, trying to be anonymous. But a kid there recognized him, of course, and put ‘Girlfriend in a Coma’ on the jukebox. And then when it ended, he played it again. As the song wound down for the second time, Morrissey said, ‘if you play that song…

Well if he stays true to form, next time his toenails get too long he’ll cut himself in half at the waist.

Syphilis?

I for one would just hop in the space moth’s mouth and ride it to a less doomed planet.

Uh Joey Chestnut is an expert at hotdog consumption not hotdog metaphysics. I contend that a hotdog is *clearly* a sandwich. And I once held the esteemed title of Sandwich Artist, so I think I know a little more about the subject than you or Mr. Chestnut.

burning a Gordon Hayward shirsey while Linkin Park plays in the background

That’s fucked up man.

On fucking Twitter at that.

“Does this guy have anything better to do with his life?”