Same with Italian grape guy’s AYYY YYIE YYIE. What the fuck happened to him? And why are grape injuries so haunting?

A while ago I would’ve advocated for Chris Pratt, because he is the celebrity people always say I look like. But someone said on his ‘Kind of a Ding-Dong’ post that he looks like a Pittsburgh potatoboy or something, so fuck that (and fuck me I guess). Chris Hemsworth is the best Chris.

Oh yeah? Well you I’m eating a hotdog and fried egg sandwich for breakfast at 4 pm, so there!

She should have her chefing license revoked if she doesn’t.

Speaking of time better spent microwaving, I recently realized that when nuking something for a minute, I can punch in 6-0 instead of 1-0-0. This is sure to save me tens of seconds over the course of my life, which I have apparently chosen to dedicate to writing this post. #lifehacks

Please tell me her restaurant is called The Yard.

They said ‘caballito’ which means baby horse, specifically a male baby horse, so you are correct.

Yeah, same with From Dusk Til Dawn era Selma Hayek...

Wait, you have a security clearance and you’ve been drinking? I don’t want to get you in trouble, but are... are aliens real?!

He has Beauregard for the rules.

Why are Ivanka and Melania dressed like they’re reenacting Death Becomes Her?

I don’t have much too add except to say that I’ve never heard ‘loudhailer’ before, and the fact that we call it ‘bullhorn’ instead seems almost too on-the-nose for an Anglicism versus Americanism comparison.

MAD may make those types of conflict less frequent, but it only has to happen once to be the worst day in human history.

Like this?

Honestly a Toby Keith concert sounds like a better reason to start a World War than an Archduke assassination.

WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME

I would give at least two non-thumb fingers for the return of Peanut Butter Toast Crunch cereal.

I’ve always been annoyed that the Trolley Dodgers went to the giant city and the Giants went to the trolley city.

Now that’s funny, because the first time I ever saw the DBT was at the 40 Watt as a 17 yo high school student. I got in because my girlfriend’s older brother was bouncing. I bet Patterson woulda thought it was funny that I was introduced to his music because of some guy doing his old gig, and poorly.