Major, major, major, major props for this reference.

Aguayo had the yips and could be benched. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer have the yips and would have to kick more kicks. Aguayo would have the yips if he kicked more kicks and fine if he didn’t, but if he was fine, he had to kick them. If he kicked them, he’d have the yips and…

You sir are an artiste. Masterful troll job.

They had to ship goalposts? Don’t those fuckers have Home Depot over there? Get some fucking 2x4s (or whatever measurement system they use; koala dick x 3 dingo toes) and build old-fashioned H-shaped goalposts.

Well, they’d just have to trade someone to get him back.

We all have bad tastes when we were 16. All I wanted then was a Dodge Viper and Lindsay Lohan.

He’s got a bad case of the Llips.

“In 2003, the Jets invented the scam of charging fans $50 a year to stay on their season ticket waiting list”

“They made a big big deal that only the best bodies were painted black.”

Entertainment 720

The New Jersey NFL fan hierarchy:

Never go to the place that is famous for inventing a food product, because they’re coasting on that fame. Go to the places that have to be better to survive. It’s also why the best buffalo wings in Buffalo aren’t at the Anchor.

The other day I was taking a shit and I suddenly remembered that Nick Foles and Kevin Kolb were actually different people, then I missed Mike Vick intensely.

Man, come on I had a rough night, and I hate the fucking Eagles, man.

I know man, you’re right. I had already forgotten that Tebow played some sport some where in college and then tried to play in the pros some where too. I did recall though that he was a white, male Christian, a member of such a small minority here in America that he nor his type never can get a break any more, any…

Well if we don’t get to watch the big Turkey-Morocco fight what’s even the fucking point of having the Olympics?

I have never felt more sympathy for Cowboys fans than I do at this very instant, having just finished this article.

4) if you’re in low level seats and need to defend yourself and/or your young kids from line drives.

Naw. I think the worst you’ll see is him make some sort of “cool” teaching for abstinence only practice. Like he’ll make some rap video about not having sex with the classic 1980's synth boom-bap beat.
“When you see a pretty girl and want to really rock her world/but worry it could be a habit, just head on home and…

duh, Houston is in Texas. He doesn’t want someone to think he’s a queer or something.