Withholding affection or approval is a Trump family tradition. Fully ninety percent of Donald Trump’s internal monologue is Fred screaming “YOU’LL NEVER BE FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH, DONNIE!” over and over again.

If you only keep Dahlin we’ll be down to only one of our Rasmi.

Well sure, but if there’s one thing that America loves more than socialism it’s atheist Jews.

Gronk is pawn in game of life.

*punches horse, drinks case of Lima-a-ritas*

Some of them have started using this for cyber warfare, too. I don’t know how the fuck a hacker is supposed to flank someone, but apparently it’s a goal.

He looks like the star of a live action Invader Zim reboot.

You seem to have repeatedly written “Cleveland” where you obviously meant “Buffalo”. Autocorrect, am I right?

So I guess Minnesota Duluth is my favorite hockey team now.

I’ve always liked “colostomy bag overstuffed with pumpkin pie filling”.

President ADHD strikes again.

She should really retain Stormy Daniels to help her prepare for her next public interview.

I know several people pushing the “let’s see how fast the media buries this!” line, apparently unaware that if the shooter wasn’t so unusual nobody would have given a shit and it would have been on page 12 of the local newspaper at best.

Porkahontas?

One of my lowest dad moments was yelling “stop acting like a child” at my son, who was three years old at the time.

That’s good dadding, right there. Adding it to the toolbox.

...which will last until the first speed bump that they can’t get over in their Medicare-funded mobility scooters.

Now THIS GUY, I call him the Black Punter. Wakan-, wakin-, wa-can’t punt for me any more!

Kevin Pillar is a goddamned treasure. Loved watching him in the minors.

I’ve gotten free tickets to two games this year — Arizona at Buffalo and this one. My friends must hate me to put me through this.

I swear, the Sabres are the Washington Generals of hockey. They exist so that the other team in highlight reels has a consistent color scheme.