When I was a kid, I wanted everything in the Sears Wish Book.

I have no idea what I would even want for Christmas as an adult. Some furnace filters? Maybe a really good sandwich?

The really amazing thing about Roy Moore is that he was obviously a complete piece of shit who shouldn’t be trusted with power _before_ the whole molestation thing came out.

Western New York is basically Southern Ontario. We already love hockey, Tim Hortons, and snow.

“But I already bought a Russian hockey jersey!” —Trump

That’s how we know there’s no aliens hidden in Area 51. That shit would have been on Twitter by January 21.

I’ll trade Alabama, Mississippi, and Georgia to Canada in exchange for Ontario and a Maritime to be named later.

“Set me up a Twittering! Use my Prodigy account for the email.”

They told him he’s coaching the hockey team, right?

Donald Trump Jr has his own problems to deal with. Why would he coach?

Welcome to the Doug Whaley Era, Giants fans.

Natty Bo? Bills Mafia doesn’t drink imports, thank you very much.

That was the ugliest thing I’ve seen in a Bills game since Darryl Talley.

I demand postseason MACtion.

As a Bills fan, I hope Tyrod leaves after this season, signs with the Jets, and fucking destroys the Bills twice a season for the next decade. We deserve it.

It’s an octothorpetag, thank you very much. Kids these days.

“When they go low we go high” is the mantra of a party that’s just decided it’s okay with getting curbstomped in every election until the end of time, so long as they feel they have the moral high ground.

Republicans win because they don’t give a fuck about decency or civility or telling the truth. They just want to…

never underestimate white American entitlement

It’s probably not surprising that these shitstains have chosen as their champion a trust fund millionaire married to a supermodel who thinks that the deck is stacked against him.

He is Len from the first season of Transparent.

“Tillerson seems mostly incompetent, while Pompeo seems outright malevolent.”

It must be the initials. That’s how I describe Trump and Pence.

One of my old coworkers drove a Hummer — he didn’t especially like it, but he needed something with the extra seating (3 kids) and when GM discontinued the brand they were practically giving them away. He said it was a nice truck, but it’s strange when everyone who sees your car just assumes you’re a total asshole.