Damn, and just when he was poised to unseat Wade Phillips as “NFL coach who looks the most like a Pep Boys assistant manager”.

Thank heavens NFL players can outrun a Rascal scooter.

Or last week, when Manafort surrendered to the FBI and they ran an in-depth discussion of the cheeseburger emoji.

Personal Responsibility(tm) is only the remedy for other people. It will fix all the woes of black people mired in poverty, but poor white folks should feel free to just wait in their dying town until Big Daddy Trump opens up the coal mine again.

It’s more of a wreath than a tree.

The park where my kids play baseball is right next to an Aldi, so it’s all weird-brand ice cream snacks for us.

One of my former coworkers was visiting his brother in Philadelphia, when he somehow got turned around in the wee hours of the morning and ended up in Camden. His strategy was to immediately start running red lights and praying for a cop to show up and help him get out.

The aquarium is now privately owned, but it’s pretty great. I took my kids there for a day trip last year and they loved it.

My father in law is a great guy, but he won’t eat anything that can’t be found in a Betty Crocker cookbook from 1955. I’m the recipient of the extra food when my MIL makes something suspiciously ethnic and spicy like eggplant parm.

We’re gonna be saying White Christmas again, folks.

He’s Tobias Funke, noted analrapist.

It’s like they can’t find their porpoise.

“his health secretary”

The one that resigned in disgrace?

It’s just economic anxiety.

I’m what used to be called an Eisenhower Republican - seriously, the GOP platforms of the 1950s hit all the right notes for me. I’ve been registered as a Democrat since I was old enough to vote, for two reasons: because I live in a city that’s 90% Democratic, so their primary is the only election that matters, and…

“Right To Work”, “Death Tax”, “Job Creators” — the Republicans are so much better at branding, it’s not even fair.

Sounds like they maybe should have hung onto that Belichick guy.

This is still karmic payback for sticking a knife in Tom Cable’s back.

Show me your Cheese tattoo.

After a lifetime of loathing them, I weirdly acquired a taste for olives in my late 30s.