Damnit, who gave my dipshit uncle his AOL password again?

Me too, and I don’t even like basketball.

I’ve never seen someone hit lame duck status with 80% of their term to go. It’s breathtaking.

Maybe he’s not applying enough scotch tape?

Hey, states like Alabama stand for core, traditional American values like Oxy abuse and disability fraud.

“HURR DURR WHY DO THEY HATE THE TROOPS?!?!?!”

—my Facebook timeline for the next week

“you’ll need to do some clock management to take advantage.”

“you’ll need to do some clock management to take advantage.”

I wonder what the Secret Service had to say about that.

Trump pulled eighteen percent of the vote in NYC. I think there might be a reason why the people who know him best fucking loathe him.

Killing this horrendous bill forever and putting a stake through the heart of the GOP will get him five percent of the way to atonement for inflicting Sarah Palin on us.

I never thought a Congressman could be more of a worthless piece of shit than Ron Paul, and then Little Randy showed up.

Yeah, tomorrow morning’s episode of Twitter From The Oval Office Shitter ought to be a lot of fun.

Just calling the rule book on holding and hooking and slashing will allow the speed and skill players to thrive.

In America, business is doing well. Investors are doing well. And workers, for decades, have gained almost nothing. There is a very simple solution: share the profits.

International rink size. It works for the Olympics.

I lived in New York for six years. Trust me: No one gives a shit about college football there.

What, you mean printing NEW YORK on the front of the University at Buffalo jerseys didn’t suddenly make people care?

Seriously. A kid too small to watch out for a foul ball is also too small to give a shit about having seats close to the game. Buy the nosebleed seats and some cotton candy.

Let’s get some hockey skates and find out.

My father-in-law tucks his off-brand Doug Flutie jersey into a pair of sweatshorts. He’s a bit of a fashion icon here in Buffalo.

I think if any NFL owner is going to go Full Minor League Baseball, selling five dollar tickets and running dollar hot dog nights, it’s gonna be Paul Allen.