Hey, if it means dinner's always on time, it's worth it. I'd assume… I don't know. I don't have a wife to threaten, nor a dinner to be prepared.

That's not an astronaut! That's just a T.V. comedian! He was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife.

Sure, you won't take massive amounts of money to play his inauguration, but now you want him to stop people from stealing your music.

John Ratzenberger anxiously sits by his phone waiting for that phone call.

There really is a subreddit for everything…

Trump looks like that kid from the end of Back to the Future Part III, signaling to one of his handlers that he needs to take a piss.

Sorry, 2016 was busy going after some other beloved celebrity. I think I saw it standing outside Kirk Douglas' house.

The brand-new multi-million dollar musical, and you are starring… as the human.

Exactly, there's not enough boob windows for this to be Cloak and Dagger.

I don't know if it was posted elsewhere on here, but Texas Gov. Rick Perry for Secretary of Energy is an inspired choice.

Sometimes those pickup basketball games can run over. It's not a big deal. I'm sure Trump'll get tied up with those spur-of-the-moment lynchings himself.

It wasn't a face punch, but I did really enjoy when Russell Crowe broke his arm in the Nice Guys.

Relax Marge, no one has ever been killed by a t-shirt cannon.

Just leave a spare under that Robocop statue.

And Joe Biden. But he'll be blitzed on Icehouse and having flashbacks to that time he fingerbanged some broad during a Damn Yankees show in Rehoboth Beach back in '84.

Nope. In fact, it looks like he has some sort of variety show that airs on a Nashville public access channel.

Judging from the review for his latest film, I don't think Seagal is doing all that much walking anymore. Unless a green screen and a shaky cam are involved.

Thank you. I had to Google this story and had a laugh. The best part is where he claims that if he hadn't shit himself to dodge the draft, he probably would have made colonel.

There's a local chain of pizza places on the Gulf Coast of Florida that serves a pizza pan full of nachos as an appetizer.

It might have more "fucks" then The Big Lebowski, but what about that scene from the Wire with McNulty and Bunk?