The thing about Perd Hapley is that he was a journalist named Perd Hapley who always stated the obvious, much like I’m doing right now.

I spend more than $150 on work lunches alone every year

Spider-Man: No Way Home Sweet Far From Home Alabama Homecoming

the twist is that his parents have a child torture closet and can’t involve the cops. 

I use this line whenever possible. It’s never come up yet, but I have it locked and loaded.

“So why didn’t you stop Gary Glitter?”

Oughta be called Hollyweird am I right folks?... I SAID it ought to be called Hollyweird am I right folks?

They’ve got Gumbel 2 Gumbel: Beach Justice!

I’m pretty sure she chose to complain about “Tigger” so she could say 83.3% of the n-word to a black person and get away with it.

A while back I saw a Bollywood movie that was set in Chicago. Towards the end there was a car chase that ended at a giant cliff with a waterfall and Hoover-sized Dam. We were all, “Oh yes, the Great Cliffs of Naperville, great place for a picnic.” 

Are you telling me your lady wife has never accused your squire of rape, Sir Cchrist626?!

To try and truly recreate the experience I plan to put a garbage can in my backyard and sh*t in it all weekend. Not a Port a Potty, but close enough for verisimilitude. ROCK&ROLL!

Except Pierce was clearly in the coffin

I think he should do it as a spoof of those Hallmark Christmas movies. Annie is overworked at her big FBI job and goes back to Greendale for the holidays. She gets back in touch with her old flame Jeff, who is still working at Greendale College and secretly holds a torch for her. Greendale College is at death’s door…

Except Pierce was clearly in the coffin, as Abed spent a lot of time trying to retrieve the tracking device he planted on Pierce.

Given Dan’s typical work pace I’m sure he’ll get around to answering those thorny questions by 2029 or so.

Plemons is 33 but looks 49. Or he looks 33, but it’s a 1930s Dust Bowl Gas Station Attendant 33.

You flipped it. You flipped it for real. 

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