The thing about Perd Hapley is that he was a journalist named Perd Hapley who always stated the obvious, much like I’m doing right now.

I spend more than $150 on work lunches alone every year

Spider-Man: No Way Home Sweet Far From Home Alabama Homecoming

the twist is that his parents have a child torture closet and can’t involve the cops. 

That’s 3 brick separators too many. If you’re dropping enough scratch for this model, you clearly have a Lego addiction and a box full of separators already.

I use this line whenever possible. It’s never come up yet, but I have it locked and loaded.

It’s hard to believe just how badly Trump screwed any kind of legacy he could have had. In January before he left, if he’d have started talking about the vaccine non-stop and taken 100% credit for it, and referenced stuff like his “warp speed” program and been as narcissistic as he usually is, all of his cult…

“So why didn’t you stop Gary Glitter?”

Oughta be called Hollyweird am I right folks?... I SAID it ought to be called Hollyweird am I right folks?

They’ve got Gumbel 2 Gumbel: Beach Justice!

I’m pretty sure she chose to complain about “Tigger” so she could say 83.3% of the n-word to a black person and get away with it.

A while back I saw a Bollywood movie that was set in Chicago. Towards the end there was a car chase that ended at a giant cliff with a waterfall and Hoover-sized Dam. We were all, “Oh yes, the Great Cliffs of Naperville, great place for a picnic.” 

Are you telling me your lady wife has never accused your squire of rape, Sir Cchrist626?!

To try and truly recreate the experience I plan to put a garbage can in my backyard and sh*t in it all weekend. Not a Port a Potty, but close enough for verisimilitude. ROCK&ROLL!

Next time they meet, Fauci should show up with Rand Paul’s neighbor at his side.

Condoms are masks for a particular form of sneezing.

Except Pierce was clearly in the coffin

I think he should do it as a spoof of those Hallmark Christmas movies. Annie is overworked at her big FBI job and goes back to Greendale for the holidays. She gets back in touch with her old flame Jeff, who is still working at Greendale College and secretly holds a torch for her. Greendale College is at death’s door…

Except Pierce was clearly in the coffin, as Abed spent a lot of time trying to retrieve the tracking device he planted on Pierce.