Bill Simmons argues (stay with me) that you should judge moves by how opposing fans react.

Three years without a test? What do they think those swabs are, FSU football players?

"can we keep this forever?!" oh god. and there goes the tears. Merry Christmas ya filthy animals [in this case, I mean the deadspin staffers and just like I (who looks Jewish) was told by someone the other day, 'even if you don't celebrate Christmas, just roll with me saying that and enjoy the day off']

Look, they've been off-message all year with this "winning" and "running away with the division"; it's good to see them re-focus on their core incompetencies.

There is literally nothing MLSE cannot fuck up.

Dozing while ineptly speed-reading just led to momentarily believing Peyton Manning ate Jameis Winston's butthole.

Agreed.

"Goddamnit, you don't have to introduce yourself every single time."

Surprised you guys left off the end of Mr. Draper's letter:

I've been curious as to when we stopped calling them Crimini mushrooms (aka baby bellas). Portabella used to always mean the big caps that are wunderbar whole over a burger.

I don't understand why you need these comments by e-mail. How lazy are you "writers" that you can't leave the basement to ask your parents in person?

"More MLS"

What Deadspin's Commenters' Parents Thought Of Deadspin This Year:

Lloyd Carr's card got lost in the mail

A friend of my cousin's made $54,000 for one week of work. Want to see how? Follow the link.

Countdown until Goodell makes the Clearsound Listening System the only NFL-approved warm-up audio player.

As with most Josh Smith releases, it clanged off the back iron and flew out of bounds.

As you have The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson, you could add the following as well:

This is the best flurry of San Diego Padres trades since former owner John Moores traded his wife for her gynecologist.

Christ, just because they traded for two black players does not mean they're now dangerous.