The 3 Stooges Syndrome.

"The idea of a movie making fun of an attempt to kill a nation's leader is of questionable taste."

Cutler is the Type 1 would assume may enjoy the extra time off.

Report: Chris Conte "confused and uncomfortable" over Cutler benching, where he is, what day it is, bright light

Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?! Hell, no!!

"It's not entirely his fault"

"This would have been a good article. For my parents."

In that sense, David Letterman is the George Bush of comedy, a man whose glory depends on succession

"I applaud the decision by the administrators at the University of Nebraska. Sometimes you just have to do what you think is right, regardless of the status of the comma."

You've got the wrong university if you're looking for comma specialists, pal.

These tweets were ghostwritten by Amy Pascal.

The last thing Jay Cutler wants any part of is giving a young kid a shot.

Peter King is out here with the worst possible takes:

"After a while, they left me alone," he said. "But it was always that elephant in the room."

Gluten for Punishment!

Since mumps can cause inflammation of the testicles maybe those dick picks will actually be useful this time.

I mean, I don't know about sexy, but we tried to convince him to pull it and run it over here. It probably speaks well of Draper's character that my claim that he should do it in solidarity with Leon Wieseltier was ignored.

Unfortunately, that list includes one measly player.

Come on, hackers! Come on, Michael Garcia! This shouldnt be that hard:

No, dammit, you just draft a sixth rounder Tom Brady type so you can still use the high picks for defense and save the money.