Using a fake tree has all the same basic benefits over the correct way to celebrate Christmas as masturbation has over actual intercourse. It's cheaper, easier, requires less effort, leaves less to clean up afterwards, less waste, is endlessly renewable, smells less, is less of a fire hazard, and can be done without…

That's some Tyrion Lannister stuff right there.

or you could just ask _kath, who is your average black friend...

Gosh can you imagine what this guy thinks they must have done to the actor in between the Vietnam scenes and the VA/NYC scenes? Brutal.

San Fran Baltimore and the Jets would all definitely take him.

I'm fascinated that the only way this could be shared with us was by videotaping the video being played on another screen.

And also yeah, literally every single play they were holding. And everybody knew it. Enjoy that ring guys, but... Shut up.

Could not have less sympathy after Niners fans got called whiners after the NFC Championship game. That running into the kicker non-call killed San Francisco.

Thor grew up with a strong father figure who respected his powerful yet caring mother and treated her like the queen she was. He also grew up in a world where he was not a superhero, just a really impressive, successful warrior and the center of attention everywhere he went. Thor has as much of a chance at being a…

I can't help but note that they waited for Derek "if I don't adjust these gloves three times per pitch my mother will probably die a horrible death" Jeter to retire until even considering speeding this game up.

The intentional walk one is brilliant. It's always been absurd to me that they have to actually do that. I…

Based on the portion of the article that was quoted here, it seems to pretty clearly be making a point that nobody on the "panel" is a woman. He also calls Suzy Kolber a sideline reporter, which she is not in the MNF broadcasts, as you noted. The final hit — "These people are not allowed at the table" — is a fairly…

Man, if a first take guy had said the EXACT SAME THING, I don't think we see a single eyebrow raised. I mean, minus the swearing of course, but Simmons is allowed to swear on his platform, so... I really don't get it.

Yeah, how dare that guy... seek alternative employment... after your team fired him... for no reason.


SUCKS

I liked Mud, and my friend who refers to movies he considers to be of a certain quality as "films" thought it was good too, so I know I'm right.

In the fantasy league of which I'm commissioner, I refund any points lost for kneeling, and so should everybody.

I can't believe the fan letters missed the second-most pathetic thing the Cardinals do (behind the well-noted and really sad practice of calling the 49ers "rivals"): Constantly and obsessively sign Steelers cast-offs.

The list of never-that-good-in-the-first-place-and-now-half-a-decade-past-their-prime players that the…

For what it's worth, I totally agree that there is a difference between a ball that came from an actual foul ball during the game and a ball that was received by more artificial means. But I also find myself frequently agreeing with Harbaugh on stuff and apparently being the only one, so I'm starting to question if…

Thanks for putting this in a place that's impossible to scroll past without skipping substantial portions of text, by the way.

Sometimes it can help prevent when relatively lower-cut boardshort-type swimsuits aren't EXACTLY the right tightness to not slip down a few inches when getting out of the water and can create a plumber butt and/or top-of-the-pube region visibility situation. Particularly if you're wearing shorts without elastic. I…

Obviously the real story here is that there are people on this planet that open up their mcdonalds sandwiches and carefully study the interior.